Don't take offense, just enjoy the humor....

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gdrill

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On her radio show, Dr. Laura said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Schlesinger, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as quite informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
 
we've seen an influx of Americans lately , under the first item what are they worth ? and now that they are living here can they be sold to buyers in America ?
 
we've seen an influx of Americans lately , under the first item what are they worth ? and now that they are living here can they be sold to buyers in America ?
don't see why not. question is do these transplants have to become citizens of Canada first?
 
Some topics just needs to be re-written, now where's my stones...
 
don't see why not. question is do these transplants have to become citizens of Canada first?

That's really just a paper shuffle formality these days , I'm more interested in value ie ...are they worth more than the gas and time required to round them up and ship them ? do I need a special shipping container or will a standard livestock trailer suffice ?

PS to answer one of the OP questions -You can own Canadians our Prime Minister has been chattel goods property to your country most of his life .
 
we've seen an influx of Americans lately , under the first item what are they worth ? and now that they are living here can they be sold to buyers in America ?

Yes, yes you can...in fact the ploy Canada is using down here is by advertising jobs in Northern Alberta. Pretty smart, if I do say so myself,eh?
 
I met a beautiful Canadian girl years ago on vacation in the Bahamas who was from Smiths Falls, if I recall correctly. If she's still available for purchase I'd like to look into it. Think my wife would mind? Or should I emphasize that she'd be available to help with the domestic chores?
 
I met a beautiful Canadian girl years ago on vacation in the Bahamas who was from Smiths Falls, if I recall correctly. If she's still available for purchase I'd like to look into it. Think my wife would mind? Or should I emphasize that she'd be available to help with the domestic chores?

By all means.
Why would the wife mind? It eases her workload in every room of the house.
Check her teeth, pay a fair price, and enjoy your Canadian.
 
That's really just a paper shuffle formality these days , I'm more interested in value ie ...are they worth more than the gas and time required to round them up and ship them ? do I need a special shipping container or will a standard livestock trailer suffice ?

PS to answer one of the OP questions -You can own Canadians our Prime Minister has been chattel goods property to your country most of his life .
suppose that depends on the individual as to there worth. in regards to the live stock trailer, will it just be Americans in it or will there be a mix of Americans and livestock? :cheers:
 
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