Food for thought.... A man's point of view....perhaps??

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Oklacarcollecto

Oklacarcollecto

Life is an experiment
Joined
Mar 13, 2009
Messages
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Location
North Central Oklahoma
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Why do women marry men who remind them of their fathers
Because daddy will buy his little princess anything she wants
 
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

Nobody knows... they 'do rather sit in the dark & hitch about it!
 
How does a real man know when a woman has an orgasm? A real man doesn't care!
 
"Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure."

Priceless!

Andy
 
Women don't belch, fart, or snore...

Therefore, they must *****, or they will blow up....
 
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”

“I was stung by a bee!” she said.

“Where?” he asked.

“Between the first and second hole.” she replied.

He nodded and said, “Your stance is too wide.”
 
Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women?

Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
 
A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were him trying to give her back.”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away.
 
I bet 90% of the posters here are either single and hopeless or divorced and fat or soon to be both! LMAO!
 
krazykuda said:
A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were him trying to give her back.”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away.
Click to expand...

That's some funny ****!
 
krazykuda said:
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”

“I was stung by a bee!” she said.

“Where?” he asked.

“Between the first and second hole.” she replied.

He nodded and said, “Your stance is too wide.”
Click to expand...

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there. Laughed so hard I forgot the one I was gonna post. Probably for the better...
 
Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. The first declares: “I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter”s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn’t even know that she smoked!” “

It gets worse than that,” says the second mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn’t even know that she drank!”

“Oh, it gets even worse than that,” says the third mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and you”ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn’t even know that she had a *****!”
 
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.
 
Question: What’s the best thing about a ********?

Answer: Ten minutes of silence.
 
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.

She looked surprised.
 
What do women and condoms have in common?

If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.
 
I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. Its not going too well though. I'm just seeing less and less of her ...
 
Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting?

Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.
 
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