My Luck

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With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

May I see the new baby? I asked

Not yet, She said I'll make coffee, and we can visit for a while first.

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, May I see the new baby now?

No, not yet, She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

No, not yet, replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, Well, when can I see the baby?

WHEN HE CRIES! she told me.

WHEN HE CRIES? I demanded.

Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?

BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT

HIM, O.K.?
 
I probably shouldn't tell you guys this but I almost did something similar to my dad's car a few weeks ago

Full disclosure, I'm a Mopar household, my dad's a VW guy

Anyways, I'm driving his car, cruising along at 65 or so, when a song I like comes on

So I did what any modern mopar guy would do and I tap the button on the back of my steering wheel with my left finger

And nothing happened
Well, nothing, isn't completely true, it felt like the radio actually got softer, while the car got louder

So I did what every knuckle head would do, and I tapped it again

And this time, something definitely happened, the engine started screaming at me

It was then that I realized that my dad's lil VW, (which I had been driving as any old automatic) also had paddleshifters on the steering wheel
 
I guess it goes along with the old "work fascinates me, I can watch someone do it for hours".

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.

Blunt pencils are really pointless.

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down. For you Gen Zers forget this one there are no hands on a digital clock.

Two wifi engineers got married, the reception was fantastic.

The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.

The rotation of Earth really makes my day. If you're a flat earther you won't get this one either.
 
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