Post your Little Johnny jokes here

[krazykuda]

Little Johnny and the drawing project​

One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided to pick Suzie first.

"I drew a box on the ground!" Proclaimed little Suzie.

The teacher said it was a great start, and asked the next student to add on. Ignoring little Johnny teacher chose Billy.

"I turned the box into a house!"

The teacher thought it was wonderful, and went on to Timmy.

"I added the sun to shine down onto the house!"

"Excellent" replied teacher. Still ignoring Johnny the teacher chose Jenny next.

"I added some snow on the roof because it's been such a snowy winter!"

By this point like Johnny could barely control himself. Teacher thought there was no way Johnny could ever turn this into a dirty picture, so he allowed him up to the chalk board.

"This is my dad bending over in the shower to pick up the soap!"

 

[krazykuda]

Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom.​

On the way back to bed, he passed his parents’ room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, “Hey, Dad, what are you doing?” The dad answered, “Playing Cards.” Little Johnny asked, “Who’s your partner?”The dad answered, “Your mom.”

Little Johnny then passed by his older sister’s room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, “Hey, Sis, what are you doing?” The sister answered, “Playing Cards.” Little Johnny asked, “Who’s your partner?”She answered, “My boyfriend.”

A little later, dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny’s room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, “What are you doing?”

Little Johnny answered, “Playing Cards.” Dad asked, “Really? Who’s your partner?”

Little Johnny answered, “You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand!”

 

[krazykuda]

Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny..​

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says:

"Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

 

[krazykuda]

A man was in the bedroom waiting for his wife in the shower as they both prepare for a night of intimacy.​

While he was sitting naked on the side of the bed unwrapping his condom, his son Little Johhny suddenly opens the door and enters the room.

In an attempt to hide the condom and his exposed member, the dad bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously, “What are you doing, dad?”

The dad quickly replied, “I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.”

Little Johnny replied, “What are you going to do, **** him?”

 

[krazykuda]

A teacher asks little Johnny a question...​

-If there are five birds in a powerline and someone shoots one, how many birds are left?

-None because they will get scared away from the gunshot"

-Four but I like the way you think

-I have a question for you then. There's three women eating ice cream, one's sucking, one's licking and one's biting. Which one is married?

-The one licking.

-No, the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.

 

[krazykuda]

Little Johnny is in the second grade. Every morning Johnny's teacher plays a guessing game with the class to help build critical thinking skills. The teacher has a secret item in a brown paper bag. She describes it to the class and the first student to guess it correctly gets a prize.

‟Okay class,” says the teacher ‟today's secret item is smooth and round, it has a stem at the top, and it is red”

Johnny tries to answer but another student is called upon.

‟An apple!” shouts the student

‟No, it's a tomato but I like the way you are thinking”

This goes on for days, Johnny knows the answers but never gets picked. The student who gets to guess gets it wrong. But the teacher ‟likes the way they're thinking”

Johnny has had enough. Friday morning, before their little quiz starts, he stands up at his desk.

‟Hold on Miss, I've got a secret item for you to guess today”

He reaches down into his front pocket, feeling around a bit.

‟Okay, it's hard, and round, and it's got a head on it” says Johnny.

The teacher is appalled ‟Little Johnny that's inappropriate!”

Johnny smirks ‟Nope, it's a quarter but I like the way you're thinking”

 

[missing linc]

Little Johnny is on summer vacation and driving his parents crazy. His dad tells him to go to the construction site across the street and watch the workers there. After a week dad asks Johnny what he learned from the workers.
"Well, first you take a 2x4 from the pile, but the cocksucker is a bit too long, so you gotta shave a cunt hair off of it," dad is apalled and holds his hand up and tells Johnny "that's quite enough, now go get me a switch to beat your *** with!"
"**** you, that's an electricians job!" replies Johnny.

 

[JDMopar]

Little Johnny knocks on the neighbors door. The lady of the house answers the door and says "Hi Little Johnny. Can I help you?" Little Johnny says "Hi Mrs. Smith. Can Billy come out and play baseball with us?" In a very perturbed tone, Mrs. Smith says " LITTLE JOHNNY! You know good and well that little Billy was born with no arms or legs and can't play baseball!!" Little Johnny says " I know that Mrs. Smith....We were gonna use him for 2nd base."