Question about restraining order..plz help.

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whitebomber63

whitebomber63

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If my x filed a restraining order on me and lied about everything she claimed i did and has no proof :banghead:... what will they do if i have proof of her contacting me since she has filed the restraining order....(i can go into further detail with someone that really knows what they are talking about msg me)

we haven't even had the hearing it is Thursday.. and i live in California.

just wondering if i have to waste 5grand for a lawyer...instead of putting the money into more useful things like diapers for my son and everything he needs....

Stay up, Eric.
 
Well if you turn her in, you also turn yourself in.. hint you might go to jail for violating the restraining order. You need to relocate, possibly get out of cars for a while and start over. Just don't communicate with her until everything is over.
 
Actually if you have a no contact order. And she does contact you. You need to hang up right away log the time and date and call the police. DO NOT talk to her or respond.
 
Thats the correct answer ask a policeman about it what to do, he may be very helpful
72ScampTramp said:
Actually if you have a no contact order. And she does contact you. You need to hang up right away log the time and date and call the police. DO NOT talk to her or respond.
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evidence of her contacting you will nullify the restraining order in some states, If you have children involved you need to be very careful and just dont pick up the phone and get a lawyer and keep a log, it's tough when their are kids involved or you want to be back with her so you have to make decisions keeping your kids in mind at all times, sittin in jail is not good for your kid's
mr.chrysler6709 said:
she can contact you but not visa versa
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Definately get a lawyer. I'm guessing she recently called the cops, told them you did somethings and that she's afraid for her safety. A TRO was issued until the hearing where she will have to back up her claims and you can present your side. She is not supposed to contact you either, if she does the worst thing you could do is talk to her. If she calls you, you're not suppose to talk to her but immediately call the cops and let them know she is violating the TRO and harassing you.
 
i hope California is one of them.. cause i haven't tried to contact her since.. long b4 i ever got served... and she has tried to call me but i don't answer... i hate how people can be so selfish and not think about there child..

waggin said:
evidence of her contacting you will nullify the restraining order in some states, If you have children involved you need to be very careful and just dont pick up the phone and get a lawyer and keep a log, it's tough when their are kids involved or you want to be back with her so you have to make decisions keeping your kids in mind at all times, sittin in jail is not good for your kid's
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whitebomber63 said:
i hope California is one of them.. cause i haven't tried to contact her since.. long b4 i ever got served... and she has tried to call me but i don't answer... i hate how people can be so selfish and not think about there child..
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It sucks when couples use the kids as pawns to get even with each other. When the kids figure out what is going on, they hold it against the offending parent. Try to keep the kids out of it and work it out between you. Now that she is pulling the restraining order crap, all you can do is go through the courts to make sure that you get your time with the kids. Try to let her know that by doing this she is hurting the kid more than you and hope that she will come around...

Good Luck.

Get a lawyer.
 
no contact order means exactly that regardless of which party filed it. if she is contacting you or making an attempt, keep every drop of evidence and call the police everytime and tell them you feel that she is harrasing you and show them your copy of the order. i feel your pain bud, been there done that, women can be vicious when it comes to using the system and the kids as tools to get what they want and get you locked up. ask me how i know. good luck. wait until the hearing to see what the judge says before dropping a buttload of cash on a lawyer, i wish i had, he didnt help my situation one bit.
 
These guys are on par. Keep records, and steer clear of her. In my state, the Exwife tried the same BS. Without police records showing assault, and no photos of abuse, she had no case. I filed one against her and we ended up dropping both when I showed up with recorded phone threats, printed email threats, records of when I left and stayed with friends to get away from her, character witnesses, etc.

She brought her mom.
 
Laws very from state to state. My wife is the victims advocate for the domestic violence here. Keep your caller ID in tact and take it to court with you. In our local court system the judge will dismiss the TRO and deny any permanate order just because she is calling you and you can prove it. Talk to someone in your state to see how it works.

I can ask my wife questions so if you want feel free to PM me but keep in mind the laws in Oklahoma may be different than Califorina. If you think this will end up in a divorce you should get an attorney on retainer. If you think this is just a storm that will blow over then I wouldn't get an attorney yet.
 
People get restraining order for stupid reasons 99% of the time. The other 1% is because they fear for their lives or the lives of the children involved. That other 1% are what restraining orders are for, yet, the system has gotten so out of control by allowing people to file them as a means of retaliation for something. In the end, all it is, is a piece of paper and nothing more. It's not going to stop someone from choking you to death, shooting your kids, kidnapping you all or setting your house on fire. It's a stupid piece of paper whose now only sole purpose is to f%ck up peoples lives 99% of the time, and nothing more. You're already behind the game because you have a pecker. The system in all states favors the mother so severely, that, as you found out, they don't even have to have proof. All a woman has to do is holler "rape" or whatever else she wants and the system instantly believes her. Turn that around and see how fast you can get the system to believe you. I'm sorry, but the father isn't the bad guy in every case, but that's how the system is set up. You're gonna have to play by their rules now. Anger management and whatever else they throw at you. I know, it's stupid. But do whatever they ask. Once you're in the system, you're at their mercy. There's no fighting it. Just jump through the hoops.

Oh and on the phone recording thing.....in Georgia, it's legal to record phone conversations as long as one of the parties knows it's being recorded.......yet more often than not, the judge will throw it out. It's all up to the JUDGE. What the law says doesn't amount to a hill of beans.
 
Phone recordings are not permissable as evidence Per Se in most court hearings if obtained without the other parties consent,However, the recordings can be used to Impeach the other party as a judge will hear the recording's In Chambers. In reality any tactics you use to try and win other than just avoiding the contact altogether may add fuel to the fire, when at the hearing never use the term my or mine when referring to the children the term our or ours is acceptable, dress nicely, adress the judge as your honor or judge I would think your honor is more acceptable. if you are not getting visitation of the children make that the #1 priority when you are in front of the judge and ask for exchange of the children to be in a public place such as a mcdonalds resturant somewhere about halfway between you house and hers. best bet is to not get into mudd slinging or whining about posessions, let the other party look the the whiner, the hearing will probably only be alotted 15 mins so have your ducks in a row and don't forget bring to the judges attention your main concern THE CHILDREN, VISITATION with the CHILDREN and no other concern other than totaL VISIBLE willingness to comply with what the judge demands. I went thru all of this and my son lives with me :cheers: it costed over 10,000$ now that the dust has settled my ex wife and I share raising our child and treat each other like friends and I can tell you for a fact if something is amiss I have her back and would bet$ that she has my back. at this point in time is not a good idea to go grabbing up the first other ladie that comes along to cause your ex to be jealous. save every penny you can to pay lawyers, child support and plan weekends with your kids. Keep yourself busy with constructive projects, avoid people that are negative that will keep the fire stoked, try to get out fishing or any activity that will keep your mind on "constructive thinking" Look around at your friends and make sure none of them can be considered a detriment toward your situation, do not bad mouth you ex to anyone!!! you never know who will turn on you in a second!!!
StrokerScamp said:
People get restraining order for stupid reasons 99% of the time. The other 1% is because they fear for their lives or the lives of the children involved. That other 1% are what restraining orders are for, yet, the system has gotten so out of control by allowing people to file them as a means of retaliation for something. In the end, all it is, is a piece of paper and nothing more. It's not going to stop someone from choking you to death, shooting your kids, kidnapping you all or setting your house on fire. It's a stupid piece of paper whose now only sole purpose is to f%ck up peoples lives 99% of the time, and nothing more. You're already behind the game because you have a pecker. The system in all states favors the mother so severely, that, as you found out, they don't even have to have proof. All a woman has to do is holler "rape" or whatever else she wants and the system instantly believes her. Turn that around and see how fast you can get the system to believe you. I'm sorry, but the father isn't the bad guy in every case, but that's how the system is set up. You're gonna have to play by their rules now. Anger management and whatever else they throw at you. I know, it's stupid. But do whatever they ask. Once you're in the system, you're at their mercy. There's no fighting it. Just jump through the hoops.

Oh and on the phone recording thing.....in Georgia, it's legal to record phone conversations as long as one of the parties knows it's being recorded.......yet more often than not, the judge will throw it out. It's all up to the JUDGE. What the law says doesn't amount to a hill of beans.
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Recording laws vary. In AZ only 1 party has to know about the taping. Hope you don't expect the cops to show up & arrest her because she violated it, because they won't. My wife had several of them against her Ex-boyfriend. Not once was he arrested, even when he was pounding on her door and she dialed 911. Not siding with any one, but there is always the other side of the story.
 
It IS admissable in Georgia if one party knows. I know that part of the law in Georgia since I went through a divorce and Kitty has worked in the legal system for almost 20 years. All of that varies state to state. But as I said, it all depends on the judge. If he doesn't want to hear it, it won't be heard, it doesn't really matter what the law says, and that's pretty unfortunate. But that's what we have now. Judges who think they know the law, when actually, they're making it up as they go along.
 
waggin said:
In reality any tactics you use to try and win other than just avoiding the contact altogether may add fuel to the fire,
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Truer words have never been spoken.....want to avoid making things worse? STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!! Does not matter if what she said is a lie or not, if you have any contact with her it will just make things worse....
 
excellent posts , SS, Ink and Waggs. i have been there. here recordings are permissable as long as it has been said in the conversation one time that "this is being recorded" , but heres the catch, if she calls and you answer and there is evidence that you have indeed made "contact", you will be screwed especially if she has it on tape. thats why you simply do not answer and call the law, every time. they WILL go to her house and make contact with her and now it is documented. some of these chicks, file a RO , and then repeatedly try to make contact with you and when you finally give in , they call the police and have you arrested. DO NOT, and i repeat DO NOT make ANY contact with her WHAT SO EVER
 
73AbodEE said:
but heres the catch, if she calls and you answer and there is evidence that you have indeed made "contact", you will be screwed especially if she has it on tape. thats why you simply do not answer and call the law, every time. they WILL go to her house and make contact with her and now it is documented.
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Back when Ernie was going thru the bs with her Ex this would not happen in AZ. The asshat violated the TRO more times than you could count and not once did they po po show up. He was even stopped for while driving after he violated the TRO and nothing happened. As said many times already, just avoid her. She calls, let it go to voice mail. Don't just delete the messages, figure out how to record them in case you nee them for something. As many of us can tell you, keep records of damn near everything that happens form here on out. Sad to say but the person with the biggest paper trail usually presents the best argument before a Judge.
 
DO NOT record phone conversations in CA unless BOTH parties know it's being recorded... PERIOD!!! CA is a two party consent state.

If you are going to use the caller ID, get the log directly from the service provider showing ALL call activity. Third party evidence is more compelling than anything you can come up with.

As mentioned, don't call her or speak to her and log the call, e-mails, voicemails (save) and report them to the police everytime she violates the TRO if it has a no contact provision.
 
inkjunkie said:
. Don't just delete the messages, figure out how to record them in case you nee them for something. As many of us can tell you, keep records of damn near everything that happens form here on out. Sad to say but the person with the biggest paper trail usually presents the best argument before a Judge.
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exactly this. the paper trail will win out every time especially if its a female paper trail. i had a similar situation where there was a RO filed by my ex because she simply did not want me to see my daughter. she would call and call hoping i would answer while the tape recorder was running trying to set me up for failure. i would call the law , they would show up, and i showed them the caller ID (yes this was in 1995 lol) and after a few times , they finally went over there and charged her with violating her own restraining / no contact order...

these days, texts go a long long way
 
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