Be careful how you answer.

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Mark Wainwright

Mark Wainwright

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A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when she looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably; it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Sh*t."
 
My wife asked me the other day what I would do if she died

I said, baby, I'd go crazy

She said, would you get married again?

I said, not that crazy
 
Wife to husband, "Do you love me?"
Husband, "Of course I do."
Wife, "Would you die for me?"
Husband, "No, mine is an undying love."
 
Wife to husband, "Why don't you tell me you love me anymore?"
Husband, "Did I tell you when we got married?"
Wife, "Yes."
Husband, "Fine. I'll let you know if anything changes."
 
Reply after the very first question should've been:
"SHHH!! Did you hear that? I'll go check it." and then go make a sandwich.
 
DJC said:
Reply after the very first question should've been:
"SHHH!! Did you hear that? I'll go check it." and then go make a sandwich.
Click to expand...
If I wanted to make my own sandwiches I wouldn't have gotten married in the first place
 
I needed a wife when my hormones were raging.
Since all my hormones were forced into early retirement by said wife, I don't need no steenkeng wife no more.
But, since I made her a promise on our wedding day,
44years/3weeks/and 4days ago.....
I don't see a way out of this, nor am I looking for one, nor will I be, if her spirit gets recalled first. One trip thru the wringer was enough.

Edit 5/13/21
written tongue in cheek, of course,
 
Last edited:
AJ/FormS said:
I needed a wife when my hormones were raging.
Since all my hormones were forced into early retirement by said wife, I don't need no steenkeng wife no more.
But, since I made her a promise on our wedding day,
44years/3weeks/and 4days ago.....
I don't see a way out of this, nor am I looking for one, nor will I be, if her spirit gets recalled first. One trip thru the wringer was enough.
Click to expand...
Maybe a change in attitude might help.
 
maxresdefault.jpg
 
AJ/FormS said:
I needed a wife when my hormones were raging.
Since all my hormones were forced into early retirement by said wife, I don't need no steenkeng wife no more.
But, since I made her a promise on our wedding day,
44years/3weeks/and 4days ago.....
I don't see a way out of this, nor am I looking for one, nor will I be, if her spirit gets recalled first. One trip thru the wringer was enough.
Click to expand...
Last chorus in Meat Loaf's Paradise By The Dashboard Lights:
I swore I would love you to the End of Time...............
And now I'm praying for the End of Time to hurry up and arrive...
 
AJ/FormS said:
Mark; we're in the jokes forum,lol.

Which part annoyed you? I'll change it. Maybe it was only funny in my head,lol,
Click to expand...
I thought the part where your wife made your cohones retreat Bach into your nether regions was pretty funny
 
AJ/FormS said:
I needed a wife when my hormones were raging.
Since all my hormones were forced into early retirement by said wife, I don't need no steenkeng wife no more.
But, since I made her a promise on our wedding day,
44years/3weeks/and 4days ago.....
I don't see a way out of this, nor am I looking for one, nor will I be, if her spirit gets recalled first. One trip thru the wringer was enough.
Click to expand...
Not that you are keeping track or anything, lol :poke:
:rofl:
 
AJ/FormS said:
Mark; we're in the jokes forum,lol.

Which part annoyed you? I'll change it. Maybe it was only funny in my head,lol,
Click to expand...
AJ.. doesn't sound like you have much respect for your wife.
I have tremendous respect for my wife. Been married 49 yrs this year and went together for 10. We've basically grown up together as we met at 13 and 14 yrs old.
She's so thoughtful and love her dearly. Maybe you are joking....hopefully anyway
 
Mark Wainwright said:
Maybe you are joking....hopefully anyway
Click to expand...
Of course I'm joking; that is the typical macho guy thing to say and do; did I forget to include the LOL, again? I thought in the jokes Forum it was a given.
Just so you guys all know, yes, I do love my wife, of course else I wouldn't still be with her all these years later.
But she is not something I worship. We are light-years apart in all areas. Yet we come together once a day, for together-time, to keep the spark alive.
But if she dies first, I'd be done with sharing. That's easy for me to say because I am 4 years older, and statistically, the husband falls over first.
 
AJ/FormS said:
Of course I'm joking; that is the typical macho guy thing to say and do; did I forget to include the LOL, again? I thought in the jokes Forum it was a given.
Just so you guys all know, yes, I do love my wife, of course else I wouldn't still be with her all these years later.
But she is not something I worship. We are light-years apart in all areas. Yet we come together once a day, for together-time, to keep the spark alive.
But if she dies first, I'd be done with sharing. That's easy for me to say because I am 4 years older, and statistically, the husband falls over first.
Click to expand...
Glad to hear that AJ. Too many people are going separate ways these days as they have the "My Way or the Highway" attitude. That is fine as long as there aren't any kids. Anyway...glad you cleared that up. Have a good one.
 
the loss of a long time wife is not something to make jokes about if and when it happens to you you will then understand was married 46 year to the day
 
I thought this was the jokes forum? A normal marriage has arguments to work through together, but there's always room for humor. We've been married 34 years. She's still high spirited and independent as the day we married. We still poke fun at each other and laugh about it. We still hold hands when we fall asleep at night. I was blessed to find this woman, but if she passes first, I'll never remarry. It took her years, and I'm still only green broke.
 
70dart340 said:
I thought this was the jokes forum? A normal marriage has arguments to work through together, but there's always room for humor. We've been married 34 years. She's still high spirited and independent as the day we married. We still poke fun at each other and laugh about it. We still hold hands when we fall asleep at night. I was blessed to find this woman, but if she passes first, I'll never remarry. It took her years, and I'm still only green broke.
Click to expand...
Woman always take it serious when you poke at them in fun.
We always hold hands when out shopping or whatever. It just comes natural and we'll hear some people say "Oh isn't that cute". Too bad more people don't do the same. 49 years in a few weeks. Congrats on 34 BTW
 
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