Farts

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spl440

spl440

Everybody's Fool
Joined
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Location
Hot Springs AR
A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces .
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget........
Sweet old farts like you!

Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
 
It's also a wonderful weapon ,to despell idiots , in your surrounds (dead seriously, here )...
 
When I burp I say..
Excuse me for being rude it wasn't very smart but if it came from the other end it would have been a fart.

Just remember "It's a sad *** that never rejoices".
 
Lol!
Beans, beans,
They're good for your heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel,
So eat your beans with every meal!
 
Beans Beans the musical fruit.
The more you eat the more you toot.
The more you toot the more you root for.
Beans Beans the musical fruit
 
Last edited:
Dartnut said:
Lol!
Beans, beans,
They're good for your heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel,
So eat your beans with every meal!
Click to expand...

Mark Wainwright said:
Beans Beans the musical fruit.
The more you eat the more you tute.
The more you tute the more you root for.
Beans Beans the musical fruit
Click to expand...
My Moms version, I was taught.
Beans, beans the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot, the more you toot.
the better you feel, so eat beans for every meal.
:eek:
 
Actually, farts contain a certain amount of molecules of ****.
You fart, it smells like **** because it comes from the same place.
A fart is like a warning shot of future things to come.
That's why us old people never trust a fart.
You might be having a ''Jack Nicklaus fart'', you know, the kind that follows through.
Farts are a serious thing, and not to be taken lightly...........
 
Dartnut said:
Actually, farts contain a certain amount of molecules of ****.
You fart, it smells like **** because it comes from the same place.
A fart is like a warning shot of future things to come.
That's why us old people never trust a fart.
You might be having a ''Jack Nicklaus fart'', you know, the kind that follows through.
Farts are a serious thing, and not to be taken lightly...........
Click to expand...
Yep, can`t rip em off like when younger, you might be walking funny to the nearest bathroom.:eek:
 
SBD's are the best. I let a huge one go in Walmart one day then disappeared into the next isle. All I heard was "Oh my God". My wife and I got out of there right smartly laughing all the way.
 
...and then there are those that are just too polite.
some years ago when our oldest grandson was about 5, he was visiting us from Kentucky and had gone to use the bathroom. My wife happened to walk by and heard him talking in the bathroom. She knew there wasn't anybody else in there so she stopped and listened at the door. All she heard was, "'Scuse me. 'Scuse me. 'Scuse me."
It turned out his other grandma, who he was living with at the time, had told him he needed to excuse himself whenever he farted (she would NEVER use that word). So each time he did while sitting on the toilet brought out another, "'Scuse me."
When he came out we explained he didn't need to do that while alone in the bathroom.
He's now 16 and is still very polite...but no more talking in the bathroom.

 
Reminds me of that joke...I farted in the checkout line at Walmart and 5 mothers checked their babies diaper. :lol:
 
Here is sit broken hearted
Went to **** but only farted
Yesterday I took a chance
I went to fart and **** my pants
 
Here I sit, all broken-hearted
Came to ****, but only farted
Wasted a dime, oh what the hell
At least I can sit and enjoy the smell
 
Many years ago while in the USAF my shopmate and I went to the base flick. Just as the picture started he let out a HUGE loud fart. He jumped up and turned around to a group of three teenage girls sitting behind us and yelled "you ought to be ashamed of yourself". The girls tried to explain it wasn't them and then got up and left the theater.
 
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