Grandfather (Thoughts, Prayers, and advice)

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LJS30

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I know many of you guys don't know me too well since I've been a sporadic member. However I am hoping to get some thoughts, prayers, and even advice since my Grandfather is in the hospital and it looks like his time could be coming to an end. It's not a surprise since his health has been in great decline the last five years. But today while working on the Dart a memory of him helping me install the leaf springs struck me pretty hard and I actually teared up quite a bit. For those of you guys who have lost a Father/Grandfather how did you guys cope with the memories that seem to flood a person during these times?
 
I'm still dealing with the fact my grandfather was given 6-9 months to live last week. My grandfather helped negotiate the purchase of my barracuda. I don't think I will ever get rid of this car because of the connection it has with my grandfather and I. Hell, everytime I see the giant dent and scratch in the driver side I'll remember the ladder he stacked against the house that fell and landed on the car!

If you can, spend time with him. Lots. Make the most of it.
 
It is a very sad part of life to face losing a grandparent. You are doing the right thing by being realistic about the situation. My suggestion is to take some time by yourself to think of specific meaningful times you and your Grandfather shared and jot them down on a piece of paper. Then when you visit him, you can tell him how much those things mean to you. Even if he becomes too weak to talk, you can still talk to him. It will comfort him.

I spent some time with a much older friend at the end of her life. I felt it was important to be with her, however after she passed, I remembered a lot of things I would have liked to have thanked her for, but I didn't think to plan out things I wanted to say. I would have thanked her for baking me a birthday cake, for example....

Another thing you might do, if he is up for it, is record a conversation with him. Again, you could do a little pre-planning, ask him questions about his life, things he and your Grandma used to do, relatives he remembers from long ago, etc.

Just being there for your Grandpa will do you both a lot of good. Prayers sent.
 
............U guys r in my thoughts and prayers.........its very tough coping with the thought of losing that special person in your life........visit him lots if u can.......memories r a great thing to have........i find myself remembering ppl at the oddest times, it always brings a smile to my face, at the same time i realise how much i still really miss them, whether it a year or 40 years......yes, i cry too........kim........
 
I lost both my grandfathers when I was a young teenager. At the time I guess I just veiwed them as grumpy old men. As the years went by and my own life became more challenging, I started to have an appreciation for what they had accomplished. Now I replay the memories, hoping to extract the wisdom they were so willing to share.
 
First of all, spend as much time with him as you can, while he still around.

As far as what I do about my grandfathers and father? I remember them and think of them often. Heck, I was just telling a story to a fellow member here about my grandfather the other day, and was soliciting his help in creating a memorial of sorts for my family.

And as far as the feelings go, they are normal. Do whatever feels natural. If you feel like crying, cry. My dad's been gone for five years now. It seems like yesterday. Hardly a day goes by where I don't think of him. I got a splotch of grey hair in my beard the day he died. It's been spreading ever since. Sometimes people will try to tease me about the grey in my beard, but I just tell them every time I look in the mirror, it makes me think of my dad.

Hang onto your memories. Unfortunately, they fade some as we get older.
 
I never knew either of my grandparents. They had passed on before I was born. But yes all of the above is good advice. Prayers sent.
 
Thanks for the advice and prayers/thoughts guys. Today we all decided that my Grandfather has suffered enough after our doctor told us the next step for him would be a trachea tube and feeding tube with no prospects of improving. Tomorrow he will be taken off of life support and his life will be in the hands of God. Life will never be the same for me since he was really the Father I never had.
 
Sporadic?I don't think so.None of us are here all the time.I believe you have made the correct decision.We are given-at the best 70 years.Some without problems and some with.My younger brother left two years ago suddenly.My older brother is still here and has had problems since he was 19.This body is only a shell,a place for the trying of men's souls.We enjoy many things in this life,and we have times when we must let go of the ones that we have enjoyed for years and felt they would never leave us.My prayers are for you,his prayers are being answered now.Hold on to the memories,he has given them to you to pass on.
 
You have to enjoy the memories. Because all of our time here is limited. You will always have a hole. You just have to kinda try to fill it in with good memories.
 
I had lost my grandfather back in '08...he was sick for a while with cancer, but he was beating it. Things took a bad turn for the worse and he was in the hospital for a while. He never wanted me to see him in the condition he was. He refused to let me come in the room the one day I came to visit...I told my mother I'd let him have his way this time, because I planned on visiting him again that same week...unfortunately for me, the next day he passed away, and I've never forgiven myself for being such a pushover with him.

My advice...spend everyday like it's his last, because it could take you off guard, let him know how much you appreciate him. Not getting the opportunity is something that's hard to live with.
 
He and your family are in my prayers, I pray you all will feel God's grace. If you don't mind me asking, at some point maybe you would share a photo of a happy time with your Grandfather?
 
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. When I lost my great-grandma about 5 years ago it hit me pretty hard but remember their spirit lives on and he will always be with you.
 
My thoughts and prayers are with you. This thread brings back so many memories, even 14 years after I lost my grandfather. I still have his 78 Dodge pickup in a barn on his farm, it's really not worth anything, too far gone to drive and restore, but I can't bear the thought of sending it to a crusher.

I still remember at his funeral at a little church in the country, I'm sitting there and look down and there was a little bundle of wire from a wire feed welder next to my foot. Since he was a welder and general blacksmith/fixit guy, I viewed it as a sign that although he was gone, he was still around. I still have that bundle of wire hanging on the wall in my workshop to remind me of him and all that he taught me.

Cherish the memories, and if he's still able to communicate tell him how much he means to you.
 
If he has been declining for awhile and knows the end is comming. The best thing you can do is be trhere for him. We all want to hang on to the ones we love but that just isn't possible. I lost my dad 8 yrs ago . He was a self made man as were most of the men from the great generation. My Dad could do it all ,carpentry, electrical, automotive, general maintenance. He foregot more then I will ever know. He was very independent and short on patients. The last couple of years before he died ,found him relieing more on me which was new to him. We became closer in those two years then we ever had. We never said we loved each other (men just didn't do that )After his death I went to the old house to sort things out, I found myself outside setting in a lawn chair he would set in and have a cigaret acouple days earlier we had been visiting there. I broke down and cried. Its ok to say you love them. I miss my Dad to this day.
 
LJS30 said:
For those of you guys who have lost a Father/Grandfather how did you guys cope with the memories that seem to flood a person during these times?
Click to expand...

Lost my father to cancer just before he was to turn 58, 11 years ago. Lost his father a little after he turned 96, just under 2 years ago. I liken it to losing a limb: eventually you learn to walk again, drive a car again, sign a check again, hold a door open while negotiating grocery sacks again. Life goes on. But you're always conscious of the absence. The best advice I can give: don't fight what you're feeling. Let it flow, cry when you need to, sit with it. It will eventually, gradually scab over and you'll gradually be able to smile more often than cry at the memories.
 
You was blest and he was to LJ, I never had a father growing up and never met my grandfather, It sure sounds like he was a great friend and grandfather from what I am hearing.
He will always be in your hart and mind, so keep the great times and the things he taught you or made you laugh when a good laugh was needed
These are the things that I would want my grandchildren to remember and liv by.
I do have my mom's music to listen to and I share it with my children and there children.
Like Dan said let the tears fly and this will help heal and before you know it you will be smiling with all the great memories you have kept in your mind of him.
Stand tall for your family and his friends and share your great times your Grandfather gave you. Prayers for you and your family and friends that he will be leaving behind LJ.
 
Hang in there bud and think about the good times you shared. I still miss my Gram. She passed in 99.
 
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