Lone Ranger and Tonto

[GKTBAY]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto camping in the desert, got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars. my friend."

"What that tell you?", asked Tonto

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are so small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto replies,
"You dumber than buffalo poop. It means someone stole the tent!"

 

[Ahoey]

Lone Ranger and Tonto on horse back, all of a sudden they were surrounded by 100’s of Indians with war paint Lone Ranger says to Tonto “what do we do now Tonto?”
To which Tonto replied “what do you mean we white man”

 

[Unconventional]

 

[JDMopar]

Lone Ranger and Tonto on horse back, all of a sudden they were surrounded by 100’s of Indians with war paint Lone Ranger says to Tonto “what do we do now Tonto?”
To which Tonto replied “what do you mean we pale face?”

Fixed it for you....lol.

 

[Mark Wainwright]

The Lone Ranger not knowing that Tonto had disguised himself as a pool table racked his balls.
The Lone Ranger not knowing that Tonto had disguised himself as an elevator went down on him

 

[Bobacuda]

Tonto and the Lone Ranger out on the trail. At some point, the Lone Ranger had to relive himself, and a rattlesnake bit him on the end of his “crank.”

“Tonto, quick, get the field medicine book and see what we need to do!”

Tonto read the book and said, “First, tie the bitten area off with a snug, not tight, tourniquet to slow down the venom from moving. Next make small incisions on each fang mark to promote flow. The Ranger screamed in agony as this was done.”

After the incisions were made, the Lone Ranger knew the venom had to be drawn out, so he asked Tonto, “How do we get the venom out? What next? What does the book say?”

Tonto read the book, looked very sad at the Lone Ranger and said, “It says just wait…you’re going to die.”

 

[67Dart273]

My favorite. The Lone Ranger, long since retired and elderly, was reading Tonto's memoirs and discovered that "Kemo Sabe" means "horses ***"

 

[Mark Wainwright]

My favorite. The Lone Ranger, long since retired and elderly, was reading Tonto's memoirs and discovered that "Kemo Sabe" means "horses ***"

There seems to be a lot of Kemo Sabe's these days

 

[Bobacuda]

 

[Bobacuda]

 

[harrisonm]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding in the desert. The Lone Ranger says, “Tonto did you **** your pants?” Tonto says “No Kemp Sabe.” A little while later the Lone Ranger says, “Tonto are you sure you didn’t **** your pants?” Tonto says, “No Kemo Sabe.” That night when they are camping Tonto takes off his pants and they are caked with dried up crap on the inside. The Lone Ranger says, “I thought you said you did not **** your pants.” Tonto says, “Oh, Kemo Sabe, I thought you meant today.”

 

[Unconventional]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding in the desert. The Lone Ranger says, “Tonto did you **** your pants?” Tonto says “No Kemp Sabe.” A little while later the Lone Ranger says, “Tonto are you sure you didn’t **** your pants?” Tonto says, “No Kemo Sabe.” That night when they are camping Tonto takes off his pants and they are caked with dried up crap on the inside. The Lone Ranger says, “I thought you said you did not **** your pants.” Tonto says, “Oh, Kemo Sabe, I thought you meant today.”