Smoking

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muddacres

muddacres

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Muddacres, New York
I used to be a smoker for 11 years. I'm sure that there is a lot you that smoke. My wife smokes and I see that the smoking is taking her away from me. If it was another man that is something that I could fight. I'm loosing this battle, where do you go with this. :sad8:
Jim
 
Similar boat, can't get mine to quite and give me a break. I smoke and everytime I come through the door, it's just crazy on my head.

Told her you did? I'm sure you did.
Show her a before and after picture of herself?
 
I don't know what to say Jim.

Mine has smoked for over 20 years and I did for 19. We were supposed to quit 7 years ago.
I did, and she didn't. I don't know how to make her understand how serious this is.
I wish I knew all the answers.
 
Over the past 30 years or so our society has systematicly brought all the homosexuals out of the closets and put the smokers in.
I can remember when almost every TV caracter smoked on screen. Now almost every show has atleast one gay caracter.
Smokers continue to loose their right to smoke while gays get more rights and benefits.
Now I'm not saying your wife might quit smoking and then leave you for another woman but our society would be fine with that.
Part of the problem is our over communication. You hear a song often enough and you'll subconcously learn the words. We all believed in weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The same applies to our health. We hear "if you smoke you will die" just like "if you dont take these pills you will die" and "if you dont eat right and control your weight you will die".
Well guess what, nobody gets out of here alive. You will die regardless. Statistics show that she will live longer than you too.
I say live and let live. Everyone should be allowed to live and enjoy their life the way they choose without so much worry about when it will end.
Those of us who don't worry about when it will end have too many others constantly singing those warnings to us.
Should you add to what you wife is hearing from everywhere else ? I dont think so. If she decides she wants to quit support her. Until then just love her.
 
Wow, a member asks for help and gets a rant on homosexuals.

Re: a spouse's smoking, if she sees it as a control issue, i.e. something you want her to do, she will continue to resist quitting. When she decides she wants to quit for herself, she will quit.

All you can do is sit down with her and have a real heart to heart. First tell her how much you love her UNCONDITIONALLY and what a wonderful wife, friend and person she is. How much she means to your children and grandchildren if you have any. Let her know how sad you would be to see her suffer and to live without her. Tell her she deserves better. Mention that she can talk to her doctor about different methods. Tell her exactly how you feel from your heart.

Then let it go. Do not show any more disapproval about it. Only talk about her smoking if she brings it up.

There is a good chance she is thinking of quitting anyway. But it is something she must do on her own terms. If she doesn't succeed at first, be supportive and remind her it takes more than one attempt for some people to quit.

Good luck, I guarantee if she ends up quitting, you will be a hero for being such an understanding husband. Even if she never quits, you will still be a hero for accepting something about her that she wasn't able to change.
 
pos govenment...they take everything else away from us...if they really cared they would ban the sale of tobacco pruducts...they haven't come up with a way to replace the income from it though...
 
Hey Mud -
Neither my wife or I smoke or ever have, but I can understand your concerns. I've seen a lot of couples where the husband has quit smoking and the wife hasn't, so it's a fairly common situation.
Do you have kids or grandkids? I think the greatest motivation comes from a young child pleading for an adult to quit so they can be around a lot longer in the childs life.
My father, a grandfather, and my mother-in-law died from diseases directly linked to their smoking and none of their deaths were pretty. My father died at the age of 44 when I was only 7. That alone was enough for me to never smoke.
As others have said in this thread, none of us get out of here alive - but there's certainly no sense in hastening the inevitable, especially at the pain and sorrow of others.
Good luck in your efforts.
 
When I quit I made my wife quit too. I threatened divorce since a dead wife wouldnt do me any good anyhow.we have been smoke free 8 years
 
There must be some counselling available somewhere,you can't possibly be alone on this problem.Having her quit smoking could only be a benefit to both of you for a number of reasons. I think it is even more important if there are kids involved.I think you should seek professional help.
 
I lost both my maternal grandfather and his daughter, my mother, because of uncontrollable smoking habits. They both struggled right up to the end to draw breath because the cigarettes had destroyed their lungs; it's a crappy way to die. I realize not every smoker will meet this same fate, because of genetics, etc., but enough do to state it as fact.
Do whatever you can to encourage her to quit. If it takes hypnosis, nicotene gum, whatever, make an effort to help (not "make" or force) her to quit. The only person who can make her quit is her. She has to be the one to want to make the change.
Sorry for the lecture, but it's a topic I feel strongly about.
 
DRENO said:
There must be some counselling available somewhere,you can't possibly be alone on this problem.Having her quit smoking could only be a benefit to both of you for a number of reasons. I think it is even more important if there are kids involved.I think you should seek professional help.
Click to expand...

Should you follow that egghead to his or her car just to see if their ashtray needs emptied ? LOL
 
I quit after my heart attack in 1991. My wife continued to smoke. After a
while it got to where I couldn't stand the smell of the smoke on her clothes.
She finally decided to use the patches a couple of years later and was
able to quit after a month and a half.

Have you talked to her about using the patches or is smoking something
you don't discuss at all.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that you can work it out.

Tony
 
goldfish65 said:
Wow, a member asks for help and gets a rant on homosexuals.
Click to expand...

Yeah, nothing like a good old-fashioned thoughtless, incoherent rant about gays to make ya feel better, right? I would say one has nothing to do with the other, but that's not true. Given the tobacco industry's "They got lips, we want 'em!" attitude towards kids, it comes as no surprise at all that they specifically and effectively target gays and lesbians. It stands to reason; peer pressure and marketeering suggesting smoking brings sophistication and social ease will naturally be much more effective on people especially desperate to fit in because they know that they Don't. And the tobacco companies know this, and they aggressively exploit it. See also here, here (Y'wanna talk about gays vs. smoking? Okeh, let's. Guess which is deadlier, HIV or smoking. Are you sure?), here (note the nice "project SCUM" operation name), and here.

Tobacco addiction is sad. It is also largely preventable, which makes it much more infuriating. Regulation, taxation, pfft; it really shows our values and priorities as a society that we still let these monsters manufacture and sell addictive misery and death. That we allow it in the name of "freedom" is completely insane. Go talk to a thousand smokers and I guarantee you'll lose count of the ones who've tried and failed to quit. Freedom? Looks more like slavery, to me.

If you go out and set a trap for an animal, put something tempting in it as bait to make the animal think it's choosing to consume something pleasurable and of no negative consequence and maybe even of some benefit, and it works and you catch it and slowly, painfully kill the animal, you get slapped with a fine if you don't have a licence or the animal's out of season. If you're a tobacco company and you do the same thing -- entrap, enslave and painfully kill twelve hundred people a day (in the U.S. alone) -- and you make them pay for the privilege, then that's "freedom of choice" and the "free market" and "adult decisions" and blah blah blahbitty blah blah. (Or, with a different spin on it: Kill someone with a pistol, and you get locked up or executed for it. Kill someone with cigarettes, and you get paid and tax-abated for it.)

It's no use wishing my friends and loved ones who smoke would start to stop now and keep trying and trying and trying, making it first priority until they succeed. Addiction has nothing to do with reason; if it did, then it'd be a simple matter of "Smoking is going to cripple and/or kill me slowly, expensively, and with unimaginable pain; I'm going to stop right this instant". It's not, and that's why I am so furious at the tobacco industry and the almost entirely free pass they get for their ongoing mass murder.

Original poster: You can get your wife this book, but you can't make her read it. You can't make her quit. She's the only one who can do that.

RedFish: Sorry, didn't mean to louse up your prejudices with facts and reality. Go back to sleep.
 
Let's not hi-jack this thread and have it devolve into a big argument....Muddacre is asking for help and advice for his situation.
 
muddacres said:
I used to be a smoker for 11 years. I'm sure that there is a lot you that smoke. My wife smokes and I see that the smoking is taking her away from me. If it was another man that is something that I could fight. I'm loosing this battle, where do you go with this. :sad8:
Jim
Click to expand...

Hey Amigo, out of couriousity, what did you do to quit, or what did it take for you to quit?
 
goldfish65 said:
Let's not hi-jack this thread and have it devolve into a big argument....Muddacre is asking for help and advice for his situation.
Click to expand...

No kidding.Some peoples kids...lol

What we smokin anyways???8)
 
To add a little perspective to this, for the non or never have smokers, try giving up something that you are addicted to, like cars.
We all have vices, be it smoking, drinking, collecting antiques, cars, the love of money, workaholism, junk food, sex, computers, fitness, drugs, music, fitness, politics..... you name it.
You can argue 5000 points against any obsession/addiction in your point of view if it doesn't jive with the way you feel about it.
It boils down to a personal choice and it's up to you to choose your vice(s).
I personally do not pass judgement on people weither they are overweight, smokers, drug addicts, alcoholics, workaholics, gay, bible thumpers, money mongers, etc. etc. etc.
Give the person a break, and look at yourself before you judge others.
Is there an unhealthy habit or obsession that you need to give up?
It just might be nagging and nit-picking others for their vices and when it all comes down to it, are you any better than them? really? or is it just different?
What does it look like in other people's perspective?
For example, we are on a site that specifically caters to a-body mopars, do you think that you are addicted to these cars and this website?
Of course we are, we all spend a lot of time and energy working on and thinking about these cars let alone the money it takes!
To some it's a waste of time, money and energy to be on here and talk about these cars, think about them constantly, spend money on them for the thrill it gives us and a LOT of people don't understand this.
This is addiction in it's purest form.
Agreed?
Then don't put down other people for their addictions unless you really understand addiction.
Try this.
Quit cars, because someone says it's not good for you, and comes up with valid reasons. Quit for a-bodies only (this site) forever because someone says it's not good for you. No car mags, car shows, car shows on t.v. nothing.
Cold turkey.
I challenge you.
It's the same as smoking, believe me.
Withdrawls, doubt, nervousness, anxiety, sneaking in private, and finally submission will ensue over and over again until you are so confused you want to scream!
It's not as simple as it seems is it?
Food for thought.
End of rant.
Tom (aka Dartnut)
 
Like i said I used to be a smoker. I'm not beating up on smokers. I quit in 1982 and it wasn't easy. I think they went from .75 to a dollar a pack and that was to much at the time. My wife is 46 and she coughs from the time she gets up till she goes to bed and the first thing that she does when she gets up is light up. It don't take to much for her to get winded. I lost my mother to smoking at the age of 55 and her dad at 59. So health care will pay for treatment if you are a drug addict or alcoholic but not for smoking.
Jim
 
addiction is a very difficult part of life to have to deal with. I believe someone has to be ready to give up the addiction. In the meantime,all you can do is coerce, suggest, pursuade them towards making a decision that is beneficial to them and the people around them.
 
smoked for 16 years.
been quit for 3 years 3 months and 9 days.
not like i am counting or anything.

some days are easy some days are hard.
i quit cold turkey.
but it helped that i fell in love with a woman (now my wife) who has asthma.
never would have kept her if i kept smoking.
and smoking is way to smelly a habit to hide.

good luck.
 
me and my wife both smoked from the time we were 14 till about 20 i quit due to a scare with heart papulations and a ER trip and for her she wanted to join the police force here in VA and you cant smoke so we quit cold turkey its was rough for a month or so but so much better now no more 5 bucks a day for a pack smell ext but for your wife dont know if you have grand kids or kids but my grandmother past away in feb at 73 from a stroke my grandfather has extreme breathing problems from smoking my grandmother missed seeing her great grand son by 5 months and i belive she would of been here if she didnt smoke.some things you can point out
 
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