Solicitor repellant

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Righty Tighty

Righty Tighty

Blame it on the dog
FABO Gold Member
Joined
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Location
Sahuarita, AZ
My neighborhood has two entrances, both with signs stating "NO SOLICITORS." Of course that doesn't stop 'em, so I put up a sign on my door politely requesting privacy. They ignore it.

After growing tired of being nice and then not so nice, I needed a better plan. So, I bought a bear horn.

Yesterday evening I was able to test it out on some real life solicitors. Lemme tell ya, 115 decibels in yer face really gets your attention! They called me crazy and took a picture of me flipping them off. I don't think my friends will be coming back...

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Invite them in, have them take a seat. Then pull the curtains down revealing a goat headed Pentastar and thank them for there self sacrifice to donate there blood and life to the lord Satan.

Tell them you’ll be right back with the ritual knifes and your friends will be over in about 5 minutes to properly remove your cloths to tie you down for the flesh burning ceremony. State with pride and glee, this will only take about 5 minutes.

Go to the closest and take out a black robe and dark hood although a horned headdress is a much better visual.

Ask them how long they were on the waiting list to be burned alive in honor of Satan. Also inquire if they did the proper paper work to have everything they own donated to the local Satanic church of Satan. Don’t forget to enquire about there children’s where about’s for proper collection into he sex slave trade. Mention that they bring good money returns in Iran.

Now do be reminded that the front door should be left open so there exit can be done in post haste if not in reckless abandonment.

Do so keep the horn in hand. The use of the horn should be done repeatedly after you state that the horn is part of the ritual in signaling and calling fellow worshippers of Satan and Satan himself.

Yell if not near scream the words “All hail, the blood sacrifice has arrived for the mighty, lord Satan!” This should be said several times as loud as possible. Do remember to smile with complete joy in your expression and thank him repeatedly for his blood and flesh sacrifice shake his hand hug him give him a kiss on the cheek or show him in with force sit him down and ask what he would like for his last drink on earth.

Enjoy your day. Purchase more horns!

PS, it never fails.
 
A guy I used to work with would invite them in. They would banter back and forth until they gave up. He loved it. He said he never seen them again. LOL
 
luvmopars said:
A guy I used to work with would invite them in. They would banter back and forth until they gave up. He loved it. He said he never seen them again. LOL
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My ex-FIL (RIP) went to Jesuit school, and he used to have fun with the Mormon's (I think) who came knocking on his door. He was one of those "wicked smart" guys, and family lore tells of him converting them a couple of times.
 
pauly said:
I used to have fun with the Jehovah Witnesses.
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Dang! Maybe that's who it was that my ex-FIL used to have fun with. It was before my time, so I'm going by second-hand tales I heard/was told.

Either way, he was a great guy, even if his daughter turned-out to be...uh...not so great.
 
I'd love to have the presence of mind to remain calm and beat them at their own game like that, but it always feels like such an affront when they intrude into my space and time. Good lord, I need to lighten up.....LOL.
 
I just stand there and patiently tap the "NO SOLICITING" sign that's on my front door, about eye level, right above the knocker.

Just stand there, and don't respond to anything, tapping it until they notice what I'm doing.
 
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This type thing is easy out here. Several years ago, a couple was running a scam where they'd come by in a van, the woman would get out with some laundry detergent items, knock on the door and ask to see the lady of the house, that she had some new products she wanted to showcase. This first happened in a nearby city, Warner Robins and then made it's way to Jones County......of all places. Of course what they were doing was casing the place and looking at vehicles so they could come back later when people weren't home and rob the place. Now, we live 500 feet off the road in the woods. In the spring and summer, you just about cain't see the place from the road.

But you guessed it, they pulled down my driveway. Now I ain't a paranoid sort, but out here, you don't know what kinda wild animals you might walk out on so I keep my 1940s JC Higgins 12ga double barrel coach gun handy. With 00 buck. I let her get all the way to the door with her bullshit and opened the door with the Higgins leveled at her face. .....all this while Kitty was on 911 with the Jones County Sheriff's department. Now I wasn't gonna hold um here, because I didn't know who had what in that van so I told her to get the hell of my property and she ran so fast back to that van I think she set some records. I stood there on the front porch with the gun leveled right at the driver until he was down the driveway. By that time, we heard the sirens and it was all over right in front of the house. LOL One of the responding backup deputies was a friend of mine who came up the driveway, got out of his car red as a beet he was laughing so hard. He said they told him "some crazy man pulled a shotgun on them". He said he told them "Welcome to Jones County". LOL
 
RustyRatRod said:
This type thing is easy out here. Several years ago, a couple was running a scam where they'd come by in a van, the woman would get out with some laundry detergent items, knock on the door and ask to see the lady of the house, that she had some new products she wanted to showcase. This first happened in a nearby city, Warner Robins and then made it's way to Jones County......of all places. Of course what they were doing was casing the place and looking at vehicles so they could come back later when people weren't home and rob the place. Now, we live 500 feet off the road in the woods. In the spring and summer, you just about cain't see the place from the road.

But you guessed it, they pulled down my driveway. Now I ain't a paranoid sort, but out here, you don't know what kinda wild animals you might walk out on so I keep my 1940s JC Higgins 12ga double barrel coach gun handy. With 00 buck. I let her get all the way to the door with her bullshit and opened the door with the Higgins leveled at her face. .....all this while Kitty was on 911 with the Jones County Sheriff's department. Now I wasn't gonna hold um here, because I didn't know who had what in that van so I told her to get the hell of my property and she ran so fast back to that van I think she set some records. I stood there on the front porch with the gun leveled right at the driver until he was down the driveway. By that time, we heard the sirens and it was all over right in front of the house. LOL One of the responding backup deputies was a friend of mine who came up the driveway, got out of his car red as a beet he was laughing so hard. He said they told him "some crazy man pulled a shotgun on them". He said he told them "Welcome to Jones County". LOL
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Now that ^^^^^^^^^^ is an awesome tale!
 
Long time ago I was working nights and of course I had to sleep in the daytime. Of course the phone would ring or someone would be at the damned door almost every day. I was in the habit of sleeping naked, and one day I was awakened by a persistent knocking on the door. I grudgingly got up, threw on a bathrobe and stomped to the door. On the other side was a man in his 20s and a rather attractive woman, also in her 20s. I opened the door and was about to growl at them for waking me up when a gust of wind blows my bathrobe open. She looked down at my junk, instantly turned beet red, and nearly jumped off the top step. The man had a look of sheer shock and he too left without saying a word. To this day I have no idea what the hell they wanted, but I still get a chuckle when I think about it.

My wife absolutely HATES anyone coming to the door, she even gets pissed off when someone parks in front of our house. A couple winters back there was a car parked right at the edge of our front driveway, and it just happened to be snowing fairly heavy that day. She literally almost buried that car. We found out later that it belonged to a coworker of our next door neighbor and she had parked there to carpool with the neighbor. My wife said it took the two of them over 20 minutes to shovel out the car.
 
I keep a stack of Jehovah's Witness Watchtower magazines right beside my front door. If a solicitor gets past my 2 gates, 2 signs, and the 40ft staircase - I will hand them a Watchtower and tell them about salvation during the end of times.

They never come back. Ever.

Modern problems require modern solutions.
 
RustyRatRod said:
This type thing is easy out here. Several years ago, a couple was running a scam where they'd come by in a van, the woman would get out with some laundry detergent items, knock on the door and ask to see the lady of the house, that she had some new products she wanted to showcase. This first happened in a nearby city, Warner Robins and then made it's way to Jones County......of all places. Of course what they were doing was casing the place and looking at vehicles so they could come back later when people weren't home and rob the place. Now, we live 500 feet off the road in the woods. In the spring and summer, you just about cain't see the place from the road.

But you guessed it, they pulled down my driveway. Now I ain't a paranoid sort, but out here, you don't know what kinda wild animals you might walk out on so I keep my 1940s JC Higgins 12ga double barrel coach gun handy. With 00 buck. I let her get all the way to the door with her bullshit and opened the door with the Higgins leveled at her face. .....all this while Kitty was on 911 with the Jones County Sheriff's department. Now I wasn't gonna hold um here, because I didn't know who had what in that van so I told her to get the hell of my property and she ran so fast back to that van I think she set some records. I stood there on the front porch with the gun leveled right at the driver until he was down the driveway. By that time, we heard the sirens and it was all over right in front of the house. LOL One of the responding backup deputies was a friend of mine who came up the driveway, got out of his car red as a beet he was laughing so hard. He said they told him "some crazy man pulled a shotgun on them". He said he told them "Welcome to Jones County". LOL
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Thats an awesome story! If I tried this in canada, Id be thrown in jail
 
70SwingerGuy said:
Thats an awesome story! If I tried this in canada, Id be thrown in jail
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It's unfortunate that there are lots of places in this country that are the same now. It shouldn't be that way. Property owners should still have certain rights and they don't in a lot of places now. Look at all this squatter crap, for instance.
 
Rig your doorbell to spray mace back at them when they touch it.Problem solved. Me, I just don't answer the door.
 
I just don't answer the door. NOBODY I want to see comes to my front door without calling first.
 
RustyRatRod said:
This type thing is easy out here. Several years ago, a couple was running a scam where they'd come by in a van, the woman would get out with some laundry detergent items, knock on the door and ask to see the lady of the house, that she had some new products she wanted to showcase. This first happened in a nearby city, Warner Robins and then made it's way to Jones County......of all places. Of course what they were doing was casing the place and looking at vehicles so they could come back later when people weren't home and rob the place. Now, we live 500 feet off the road in the woods. In the spring and summer, you just about cain't see the place from the road.

But you guessed it, they pulled down my driveway. Now I ain't a paranoid sort, but out here, you don't know what kinda wild animals you might walk out on so I keep my 1940s JC Higgins 12ga double barrel coach gun handy. With 00 buck. I let her get all the way to the door with her bullshit and opened the door with the Higgins leveled at her face. .....all this while Kitty was on 911 with the Jones County Sheriff's department. Now I wasn't gonna hold um here, because I didn't know who had what in that van so I told her to get the hell of my property and she ran so fast back to that van I think she set some records. I stood there on the front porch with the gun leveled right at the driver until he was down the driveway. By that time, we heard the sirens and it was all over right in front of the house. LOL One of the responding backup deputies was a friend of mine who came up the driveway, got out of his car red as a beet he was laughing so hard. He said they told him "some crazy man pulled a shotgun on them". He said he told them "Welcome to Jones County". LOL
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Now you're the type of neighbor I wouldn't mind having.

I used to not answer the door, but something inside me can't resist confronting them. I think it has to do with how they ignore my sign, so I feel the need to make it crystal clear that they aren't welcome.
 
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Did I mention that my wife hates anyone coming to the door? She also hates junk mail and flyers, and she has made theses signs for the front door and mailbox.
 
Uh, that won't stop the post office from delivering stuff addressed to "our friends at", or "occupant".

What is a "delivery provider"?
 
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BrianT said:
I just don't answer the door. NOBODY I want to see comes to my front door without calling first.
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Growing up, the front door was for funerals only

Every other occasion we used the back door
 
YY1 said:
Uh, that won't stop the post office from delivering stuff addressed to "our friends at", or "occupant".

What is a "delivery provider"?
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Delivery provider is a contractor that distributes flyers and other forms of advertising. My wife has a real hatred for Canada Post thanks to their policies of selling our private information to other companies who then use it for soliciting and third party marketing.

It has been very effective for us, we rarely get anything that is not addressed to us.
 
missing linc said:
Delivery provider is a contractor that distributes flyers and other forms of advertising. My wife has a real hatred for Canada Post thanks to their policies of selling our private information to other companies who then use it for soliciting and third party marketing.

It has been very effective for us, we rarely get anything that is not addressed to us.
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Interesting. Canada and the US must be quite different.

USPS does not / can not control the sender, and anyone else using a mailbox is technically breaking federal law.
 
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