Stop in for a cup of coffee

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My wife told me one of our kids got caught shoplifting, so now I have to deal with that... :rolleyes:


I'm gonna wait until AFTER my birthday... :)
 
The other day my teenage daughter talked back to my wife...

My wife told her to do something and she said, "No, I don't want to"...

I had to pull her aside and tell her, "Listen, you have to teach me how to do that"...
 
The other day I was in my old neighborhood and I visited my childhood home...

I knocked on the door and I said, "Excuse me, I used to live here, can I look around"...

Reluctantly, my parents let me in....
 
I met my wife on jury duty...

It's because of me she was acquitted...
 
My wife was a psychology major in college, so she's constantly psychoanalyzing me...

When I wanted to fire the pool boy she said, "You feel threatened by young virile males because you're getting older and you're coping with your own mortality"...

And my argument was, "We don't have a pool"...
 
We're seeing a marriage counselor and she tells us that the first thing we should say to each other when we wake up is "I love you"...

Not "You again"...
 
We are lucky to have two kids because many years ago we were told that we couldn't have children...


By our landlord...
 
Muffler done. I figure i did well today,hauling tires to get replaced, and picking them up, motor mount and front brake pads and rotors. Now i have through the weekend to touch up the rust.
 
When my son was 4 years old, we come back from the mall and he pulls a candy bar out of his pocket...

I didn't buy him a candy bar and I know he didn't pay for it, so we jump back in the car and drive back to the mall...

So this time we went to a jewelry store...
 
I bought a box of animal crackers...

It said, "Do not eat if seal is broken"...

I open it up and the giraffe was fine, the dog was fine, and sure enough...
 
krazykuda said:
Did you put some small toy plastic horses in there???


A guy goes into the emergency room and he has half a dozen small toy plastic horses shoved up his rectum... Doctors decided to wait and see if they will pass naturally before having to perform surgery to remove them...

His condition is currently listed as stable...
Click to expand...

I finally found the meme for that...

Horses rectum.jpg
 
It's amazing what our ancestors went through to come to this country...

One of my grandfathers came here in the hull of a ship, shoveling coal 14 hours a day... All while suffering from Typhoid fever...

My other grandfather had it even worse...

He came to this country on Spirit Airlines...
 
My wife has an uncle that can tell you exactly when and where you are going to die...


He's a hit man...
 
When I was growing up, the guy across the street from us was actually in the mafia...

He was a very nice guy...

He used to pay me $10 every morning just to start his car...

What a guy...
 
My best friend is atheist... He said to me, "How can you believe god exists if you've never seen him"???

I said, well, I believe Home Depot employees exist...
 
When I grew up we had this little yellow cat named Butter...

Years later, eventually after he passed away, we got a new little yellow cat called 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter'....
 
Kind of depressing evening.

Was up in the town in the county over from mine that I rarely get too and thought I’d pop in and say hi to my old shift manager that retired a few years back. I’d bumped into him last in august of this year and usually stopped in a couple times a year to say hi. Ken was my first shift supervisor I had in my first adult job. Which was gate security at a military installation. Him and I didn’t get along at all for about the first year. I was 18 young and dumb, Ken was a retired Marine major turned Army reserve lt Col, spent 3 years as the Provost Marshall in Germany in the 80s. We didn’t see eye to eye at first and finally one Christmas Eve, we had a face to face argument and nearly came to blows. But something fixed it going forward because we became friends for the next 4 years before I promoted to another installation. We stayed in touch for a few years until he finally was forced to retire in 2019. But I tried to stop by occasionally, shoot the **** and buy a quart of honey with honeycomb from him . He was the guy that tried to get me to buy gold with it was 400 an ounce and silver at less than 7 bucks an ounce. But I didn’t and bought a PlayStation and bunch of games instead.

Anyway, back to the stop in. knocked on the door and his neighbor who id met many times before answered. Ken passed away suddenly in November, extremely surprising cause despite being 72, he looked 40. Was a health nut and very nutritional conscious. Neighbor said he hadn’t seen Ken that day and came knocking. When he didn’t answer, he tried calling his cell, which didn’t answer. So he let himself in with the spare key and found Ken dead. Ken left everything including his house to his neighbor as Ken never married, was a single child and has no surviving family. Neighbor is clearing it out, going to sell it and donate the proceeds to the soldier sailor home in Indy, per Kens wishes. Only people to attend Kens funeral was the neighbor and his wife. Which was Kens wishes as he was all but a hermit. But still sad and I wish I’d known. Not really torn up over it as we weren’t that close but still a bit of a shock
 
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dukeboy440 said:
Kind of depressing evening.

Was up in the town in the county over from mine that I rarely get too and thought I’d pop in and say hi to my old shift manager that retired a few years back. I’d bumped into him last in august of this year and usually stopped in a couple times a year to say hi. Ken was my first shift supervisor I had in my first adult job. Which was gate security at a military installation. Him and I didn’t get along at all for about the first year. I was 18 young and dumb, Ken was a retired Marine major turned Army reserve lt Col, spent 3 years as the Provost Marshall in Germany in the 80s. We didn’t see eye to eye at first and finally one Christmas Eve, we had a face to face argument and nearly came to blows. But something fixed it going forward because we became friends for the next 4 years before I promoted to another installation. We stayed in touch for a few years until he finally was forced to retire in 2019. But I tried to stop by occasionally, shoot the **** and buy a quart of honey with honeycomb from him . He was the guy that tried to get me to buy gold with it was 400 an ounce and silver at less than 7 bucks an ounce. But I didn’t and bought a PlayStation and bunch of games instead.

Anyway, back to the stop in. knocked on the door and his neighbor who id met many times before answered. Ken passed away suddenly in November, extremely surprising cause despite being 72, he looked 40. Was a health nut and very nutritional conscious. Neighbor said he hadn’t seen Ken that day and came knocking. When he didn’t answer, he tried calling his cell, which didn’t answer. So he let himself in with the spare key and found Ken dead. Ken left everything including his house to his neighbor as Ken never married, was a single child and has no surviving family. Neighbor is clearing it out, going to sell it and donate the proceeds to the soldier sailor home in Indy, per Kens wishes. Only people to attend Kens funeral was the neighbor and his wife. Which was Kens wishes as he was all but a hermit. But still sad and I wish I’d known. Not really torn up over it as we weren’t that close but still a bit of a shock
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Sad story Chris sorry he died not having any family.
 
Had a great time with my kids and grandkids tonight. We did pizza and milkshakes and I got to chase the grandkids around the house. :lol:
 
Frodee said:
Had a great time with my kids and grandkids tonight. We did pizza and milkshakes and I got to chase the grandkids around the house. :lol:
Click to expand...
When i get to florida, im getting a milkshake. 8 days!
 
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