What's Your Best Laxitive?

[RustyRatRod]

Me, if I feel the need to, I scramble 4 eggs to a can of spinach, little dash of Tabasco sauce and a cup of coffee

I give this thread 5 stars, not many other sites will have a thread on this

I don't know why not.....everybody knows there's nuthin like a good poop.

 

[missing linc]

Like my black coffee every morning with breakfast, then straight to the throne.

 

[Ceedawg]

I can remember when I use to snowboard for a living and Id be at the top of a big "drop" looking down, all pf a sudden id have to go to the bathroom BAD!!! Thats how I knew it was a sketchy situation. The worse I had to poop the more likely it was id get seriously hurt if I messed up.



And what you deposit in the morning should not be from two or three days ago!!
It should be from two to four hours ago. (Except for the first morning movement, obviously thats last nights dinner.) Thats how a healthy colon works. I have way more experience with poop and intestines than anyone outside of a hospital should....

Wrong, 36 hours to go the complete system. If you do 4 hours you’re passing to fast to get what is needed from the food. Like the coin return on the drink machine, push the lever swoosh right to bottom.

 

[memike]

I don't know why not.....everybody knows there's nuthin like a good poop.

you got that right, I guess I am lucky (blessed) that I am a morning thrown man, everyday, Monday threw Sunday like clock work.
But I would like to have a bathroom in my shop for the lady visitors I get.

 

[Car Nut]

Maybe you need a squatty potty, once and you’re done.

 

[j par]

So about 15 years ago I'm working with a friend at his company doing some high-rise window repair at this hospital on a weekend on one of those big lifts that shoots you up four stories... we go have lunch and I'm trying to tell him that I can't eat that kind of food McDonald's Jack in the box but he insists that it's cheap and we need to get something to eat and get back to work. I'm telling you I warned him...
We get back to work get our rain clothes on get our safety harnesses on to attach your cells to this lift and head on up to the fourth floor it takes about 3 4 5 minutes for this thing to buzz all the way up. We don't work for 3 minutes I'm like oh god! We got to go down now! He's like just a minute I'm going to finish doing this caulking on this window I'm like no I grabbed the controls and start buzzing down he almost falls out LOL...
He goes okay and comes over and runs the controls to continue buzzing us down as I'm taking my harness off undoing my rain gear and preparing for the inevitable. We get down to within 10 feet of the ground and I'm already ready to jump!...
We're close to the side door so I run over there well semi run over there... And the doors are locked!.. crap!.. (pun intended..)
So I do this half walk half run pinching my cheeks waddle all the way around the building to the emergency entrance of the hospital.. (again pun intended!!..)
I go in and see the indication for the men's bathroom and make my way as quickly as human possible without trouble... I go into the bathroom around this little 5-ft corridor and there's nobody in there and there's a crapper stall a urinal and a sink and I go into the crapper stall turn around just in time hook my thumbs on my pants and miss my underwear and sit down and fill up my underwear on top of the toilet....
Instantly I'm in huge trouble here!.. so now I'm trying to defy gravity and attempting to do some origami yoga moves to remove a leg from my underwear while still not letting them leave the space above the toilet...
What's this!? The toilet just flushed?!... However I did it I was able to get both legs out and the toilet flushed again!?...
I look behind me and it has the automatic seeing eye that flushes at... At this point the underwear clog the toilet and the water starts rising!... It wasn't too long before a couple more flushes and it overflowed onto the floor we're at that time I had to give a heavy kick to my pants that were now laying on the floor out of the stall area so they didn't get soaking wet... Now is where you start praying that nobody comes in!... I finally do the best wipe job I can muster up with about every bit of toilet paper and where to put it I don't know because the toilet keeps flushing and overflowing and flooding the entire bathroom... now instead of running for my pants I run for the door to look out into the hallway to see if anybody's coming! Nobody's coming...
I do the best I can at the sink to clean myself and my legs the best I can...
I should move back to say that I came in the building just in my socks cuz I had already kicked off my rain boots...
Socks are now throw away they're wet...
I gathered my pants up and put them on and again ran to the door to look out nobody's coming...
I go back and do a little bit more washing look behind me and the whole entire bathroom is a hazmat catastrophe....
I go back to my partner tell him all this and we get back up on the left and he says I smell terrible!.. we end up packing up early and going home and he makes me sit on a plastic bag in the middle of his van in the back all the way home...
needless to say I've never been back to Jack in The box since and don't do McDonald's either...
The first time I told that story it was to my best friend's wife and she kept begging me to stop as she was laying on the ground holding her side laughing so hard she was ready to pass out....

 

[Ceedawg]

Maybe you need a squatty potty, once and you’re done.

View attachment 1715737962

I could never get up! Down that far I have to roll over on my knees then work my way back up.

 

[missing linc]

So about 15 years ago I'm working with a friend at his company doing some high-rise window repair at this hospital on a weekend on one of those big lifts that shoots you up for stories... we go have lunch and I'm trying to tell him that I can't eat that kind of food McDonald's Jack in the box but he insists that it's cheap and we need to get something to eat and get back to work. I'm telling you I warned him...
We get back to work get our rain clothes on get our safety harnesses on to attach your cells to this lift and head on up to the fourth floor it takes about 3 4 5 minutes for this thing to buzz all the way up. We don't work for 3 minutes I'm like oh god! We got to go down now! He's like just a minute I'm going to finish doing this caulking on this window I'm like no I grabbed the controls and start buzzing down he almost falls out LOL...
He goes okay and comes over and runs the controls to continue buzzing us down as I'm taking my harness off undoing my rain gear and preparing for the inevitable. We get down to within 10 feet of the ground and I'm already ready to jump!...
We're close to the side door so I run over there well semi run over there... And the doors are locked!.. crap!.. (pun intended..)
So I do this half walk half run pinching my cheeks waddle all the way around the building to the emergency entrance of the hospital.. (again pun intended!!..)
I go in and see the indication for the men's bathroom and make my way as quickly as human possible without trouble... I go into the bathroom around this little 5-ft corridor and there's nobody in there and there's a crapper stall a urinal and a sink and I go into the crapper stall turn around just in time hook my thumbs on my pants and miss my underwear and sit down and fill up my underwear on top of the toilet....
Instantly I'm in huge trouble here!.. so now I'm trying to defy gravity and attempting to do some origami yoga moves to remove a leg from my underwear while still not letting them leave the space above the toilet...
What's this!? The toilet just flushed?!... However I did it I was able to get both legs out and the toilet flushed again!?...
I look behind me and it has the automatic seeing eye that flushes at... At this point the underwear clog the toilet and the water starts rising!... It wasn't too long before a couple more flushes and it overflowed onto the floor we're at that time I had to give a heavy kick to my pants that were now laying on the floor out of the stall area so they didn't get soaking wet... Now is where you start praying that nobody comes in!... I finally do the best wipe job I can muster up with about every bit of toilet paper and where to put it I don't know because the toilet keeps flushing and overflowing and flooding the entire bathroom... now instead of running for my pants I run for the door to look out into the hallway to see if anybody's coming! Nobody's coming...
I do the best I can at the sink to clean myself and my legs the best I can...
I should move back to say that I came in the building just in my socks cuz I had already kicked off my rain boots...
Socks are now throw away they're wet...
I gathered my pants up and put them on and again ran to the door to look out nobody's coming...
I go back and do a little bit more washing look behind me and the whole entire bathroom is a hazmat catastrophe....
I go back to my partner tell him all this and we get back up on the left and he says I smell terrible!.. we end up packing up early and going home and he makes me sit on a plastic bag in the middle of his van in the back all the way home...
needless to say I've never been back to Jack in The box since and don't do McDonald's either...
The first time I told that story it was to my best friend's wife and she kept begging me to stop as she was laying on the ground holding her side laughing so hard she was ready to pass out....

Funniest part of that whole story is I had similar experience replacing an overhead door at a feed mill in a small town working with my brother. I warned him that McD's and I do NOT get along. Same thing, he says "well it's cheap". I warned him, 20 feet up on a scissor lift, when it hit. LOL

 

[dibbons]

Careful with that. Your body may get used to needing it to get things moving

Exactly, that's what my body needs and it's going to get it (psyllium) from here on out.

 

[diymirage]

Are we readin the same thread? LOL

guess i misunderstood what you meant with "im out there for hours"
sounded to me like you were in the reading room for hours...so i offered a stool softener to help you read quicker

 

[RustyRatRod]

guess i misunderstood what you meant with "im out there for hours"
sounded to me like you were in the reading room for hours...so i offered a stool softener to help you read quicker

No out in the shop for hours once the deed is done.

 

[ironbuilt]

Yeah, you read that right. lol I'm just curious of any of the rest of yall are like me. Not that I need a laxitive at all.....never had trouble "THERE", but here's my story. I've been like this literally as long as I can remember.

Everything will be fine. Lemmie go out in the shop to work on the car, or a project.....whatever....just "out in the shop" and BAM. I gotta ****. And I don't mean just a "mild" urge. I'm talkin bout fixin to **** all over myself unless I get to the bathroom. Don't get in my way, bitches. THAT kinda urge. It's really weird, but I've always been like that. Once that comes and goes, I'm out there for hours. All is well with the world. But I've gotten to where I just prepare myself and without fail, every time, **** happens.

I always knew that you were full of ****!!

 

[Magnum Valiant]

Yeah, you read that right. lol I'm just curious of any of the rest of yall are like me. Not that I need a laxitive at all.....never had trouble "THERE", but here's my story. I've been like this literally as long as I can remember.

Everything will be fine. Lemmie go out in the shop to work on the car, or a project.....whatever....just "out in the shop" and BAM. I gotta ****. And I don't mean just a "mild" urge. I'm talkin bout fixin to **** all over myself unless I get to the bathroom. Don't get in my way, bitches. THAT kinda urge. It's really weird, but I've always been like that. Once that comes and goes, I'm out there for hours. All is well with the world. But I've gotten to where I just prepare myself and without fail, every time, **** happens.

 

[Magnum Valiant]

Prunes

 

[RustyRatRod]

Prunes

 

[krazykuda]

Yeah, you read that right. lol I'm just curious of any of the rest of yall are like me. Not that I need a laxitive at all.....never had trouble "THERE", but here's my story. I've been like this literally as long as I can remember.

Everything will be fine. Lemmie go out in the shop to work on the car, or a project.....whatever....just "out in the shop" and BAM. I gotta ****. And I don't mean just a "mild" urge. I'm talkin bout fixin to **** all over myself unless I get to the bathroom. Don't get in my way, bitches. THAT kinda urge. It's really weird, but I've always been like that. Once that comes and goes, I'm out there for hours. All is well with the world. But I've gotten to where I just prepare myself and without fail, every time, **** happens.

Install a bathroom in the garage....

Then you won't have to do the "run of shame" to the inside bathroom...

 

[RustyRatRod]

Install a bathroom in the garage....

Then you won't have to do the "run of shame" to the inside bathroom...

We do live in the woods. I could just run behind the shop and drop trou.

 

[krazykuda]

We do live in the woods. I could just run behind the shop and drop trou.

Tony Fields had a bathroom inside his garage... It's a great idea.... All you need was a fridge and microwave out there and you could live out of it....

 

[krazykuda]

We do live in the woods. I could just run behind the shop and drop trou.

Be careful not to grab a poison ivy leaf for TP....

I live near the woods also... You have to watch out for poison oak and poison ivy....

 

[RustyRatRod]

Be careful not to grab a poison ivy leaf for TP.... View attachment 1715738099

I live near the woods also... You have to watch out for poison oak and poison ivy....

I'm actually immune to poison ivy. I ate it when I was a kid. Been immune to it ever since. Never had it or any of the rest of it.

 

[67 gt]

Full cream milk or flavoured milk man that’s deadly ! Once drunk need to be close to a thrown as I have 10 minutes lean way..

 

[harrisonm]

I can't believe we have a general discussion thread about ****.

Yeah, Mike. This is a shitty thread, isn't it. Oh well, we are all getting old. Next thing you know, we'll all be talking about our prostates and ED.

 

[RustyRatRod]

Maybe you need a squatty potty, once and you’re done.

View attachment 1715737962

So I guess that's supposed to give a "straighter shot"?

 

[RustyRatRod]

Yeah, Mike. This is a shitty thread, isn't it. Oh well, we are all getting old. Next thing you know, we'll all be talking about our prostates and ED.

I've been real blessed in that department. "So far" all that still works purt near as good as it did when I was 18. Course it helps to have a willin partner.

 

[RustyRatRod]

So about 15 years ago I'm working with a friend at his company doing some high-rise window repair at this hospital on a weekend on one of those big lifts that shoots you up four stories... we go have lunch and I'm trying to tell him that I can't eat that kind of food McDonald's Jack in the box but he insists that it's cheap and we need to get something to eat and get back to work. I'm telling you I warned him...
We get back to work get our rain clothes on get our safety harnesses on to attach your cells to this lift and head on up to the fourth floor it takes about 3 4 5 minutes for this thing to buzz all the way up. We don't work for 3 minutes I'm like oh god! We got to go down now! He's like just a minute I'm going to finish doing this caulking on this window I'm like no I grabbed the controls and start buzzing down he almost falls out LOL...
He goes okay and comes over and runs the controls to continue buzzing us down as I'm taking my harness off undoing my rain gear and preparing for the inevitable. We get down to within 10 feet of the ground and I'm already ready to jump!...
We're close to the side door so I run over there well semi run over there... And the doors are locked!.. crap!.. (pun intended..)
So I do this half walk half run pinching my cheeks waddle all the way around the building to the emergency entrance of the hospital.. (again pun intended!!..)
I go in and see the indication for the men's bathroom and make my way as quickly as human possible without trouble... I go into the bathroom around this little 5-ft corridor and there's nobody in there and there's a crapper stall a urinal and a sink and I go into the crapper stall turn around just in time hook my thumbs on my pants and miss my underwear and sit down and fill up my underwear on top of the toilet....
Instantly I'm in huge trouble here!.. so now I'm trying to defy gravity and attempting to do some origami yoga moves to remove a leg from my underwear while still not letting them leave the space above the toilet...
What's this!? The toilet just flushed?!... However I did it I was able to get both legs out and the toilet flushed again!?...
I look behind me and it has the automatic seeing eye that flushes at... At this point the underwear clog the toilet and the water starts rising!... It wasn't too long before a couple more flushes and it overflowed onto the floor we're at that time I had to give a heavy kick to my pants that were now laying on the floor out of the stall area so they didn't get soaking wet... Now is where you start praying that nobody comes in!... I finally do the best wipe job I can muster up with about every bit of toilet paper and where to put it I don't know because the toilet keeps flushing and overflowing and flooding the entire bathroom... now instead of running for my pants I run for the door to look out into the hallway to see if anybody's coming! Nobody's coming...
I do the best I can at the sink to clean myself and my legs the best I can...
I should move back to say that I came in the building just in my socks cuz I had already kicked off my rain boots...
Socks are now throw away they're wet...
I gathered my pants up and put them on and again ran to the door to look out nobody's coming...
I go back and do a little bit more washing look behind me and the whole entire bathroom is a hazmat catastrophe....
I go back to my partner tell him all this and we get back up on the left and he says I smell terrible!.. we end up packing up early and going home and he makes me sit on a plastic bag in the middle of his van in the back all the way home...
needless to say I've never been back to Jack in The box since and don't do McDonald's either...
The first time I told that story it was to my best friend's wife and she kept begging me to stop as she was laying on the ground holding her side laughing so hard she was ready to pass out....

I near bout **** myself laughin at this.