What's Your Best Laxitive?

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Maybe if I raise my dynamic compression.......
 
MOPARMAGA said:
Pork rinds
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I like me some good pig skins, now. But real ones. Not the blowed up air ones....I mean they're good too but there's nothin like a real pig skin with pig hairs stickin out of it.
 
Didja ever notice that the need to go is inversely proportional to your distance from the throne?
Urge strikes, I know what's comin'- begin the leisurely stroll back to the house.
Now I see the back door, it's getting a little more urgent- commence the clenching exercises. Enter the house at a brisk trot (or should I say waddle?) with teeth clenched.
Wild eyed, I kick the bathroom door open with my pants already halfway down, screaming "Everybody out of the way!!"
Praying that the lid is up, I pivot, point and shoot, trying to slam my *** down before the carnage fully manifests itself...

Tell me you've never been there...
 
three days and five pages already; who knew this topic would would blow up like his.
My solution is to eat at regularly scheduled intervals, including fiber at every meal. But I stick mostly to eating foods that are actually on the food-list; fins and scales, split hoof and chews the cud, foraging birds, and green or leafy stuff. plus lots and lots of milk.
No pork, no bottom-feeding crustaceans, no beer/alcohol/tobacco, no crawling things, and no meds; my junk moves thru smoothly every 24 hours like clockwork. I used to really miss lobster, shrimp, and pork-chops/ribs; but I'm over it now. I'll be 68 in early June, and scaled 213 at last weigh-in; down from 224 a few weeks ago. if that matters.
Fiber IMO gets a bad rap. It takes up very little space but clings tenaciously to water, and stimulates your colon. So lubricates wherever it goes, and puts the boots to the load when the load is all packed up and ready to ship out.. It has no caloric value, so you can put as much thru your system as you dare.
 
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you could always dig it out with your finger like they do in the Middle East. lol
 
RustyRatRod said:
Yeah, you read that right. lol I'm just curious of any of the rest of yall are like me. Not that I need a laxitive at all.....never had trouble "THERE", but here's my story. I've been like this literally as long as I can remember.

Everything will be fine. Lemmie go out in the shop to work on the car, or a project.....whatever....just "out in the shop" and BAM. I gotta ****. And I don't mean just a "mild" urge. I'm talkin bout fixin to **** all over myself unless I get to the bathroom. Don't get in my way, bitches. THAT kinda urge. It's really weird, but I've always been like that. Once that comes and goes, I'm out there for hours. All is well with the world. But I've gotten to where I just prepare myself and without fail, every time, **** happens.
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Watching the local news! No pun intended! It also makes me want to through-up!
 
Seriously though, I have had an itchy throat and lower legs around the sock line for nearly a month. My wife put some cortisone cream around my ankles about 2 hours ago in a last ditch effort to help me, and now both are gone that fast! What gives?

Remedies some times are mysterious!
 
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