Compromising in a marriage......Now there is a novel idea!
What!.......No sammich this time!Mine retired a month ago and is going back to work.
Its apparent who has has lousy priorities or are just plain selfish and self consumed from reading some of the posts here
Years ago when I wanted to get back into the hobby and it's just that a hobby not a life consuming ambition but I wasn't there yet financially there was this guy who had a absolutely gorgeous classic muscle car. I was in awe of this car and my buddy who knew the owner told me, this guy still rents a small apartment, he was married with two girls in grade school
His priorities were never his family other than to keep a roof over their heads and a meal on the table, everything else revolved around the hobby car
My buddy who knew me very well said, take a good look because your the exact opposite of what that guy is
Years later I dont wonder how life turned out for this guy who had that car and its the reason why he is were he is in life and why im were I am
Marry well, get what's important in life in order, when you ignore your wife and make her feel second best, while she does everything for you and your children and all you can do is indulge in expensive things that only you want, my opinion is you are a useless POS
If life turns out less than what you expected and you now have to depend on your spouse you will understand what im talking about in short order
My wife would complain constantly while on vacations, "i'm bored... I'm tired.... I'm cold.... I'm hungry.....". I finally got fed up and told her, "I'm not your Cruise Director. You're an adult, you figure it out." She can be so self centered and tactless. She could say, 'Are you hungry? I could go for something to eat', for example. Include me in the situation, instead me just being her lackey.Your assumption that the guy is wrong in this is ridiculous. Is the woman always right? How do you know this guy’s priorities are wrong?
Maybe, just maybe the wire is just a miserable woman who can’t be made happy. Ever.
Of course, you being hen pecked and such won’t see that but I can name a dozen women I went to school with and am still friends with who are single because they were miserable, nasty, unhappy people and there wasn’t thing one the husband could do to make them happy.
In fact, one of them is my ex fiancée from 1984. She is still miserable, still nasty and thinks that everyone else is responsible to make and keep her happy.
My buddy ran into her ex at a funeral or something a couple years after the split. My buddy asked him wha happened and he said “I got tired of trying to make her happy and nothing made her happy”.
The funny thing is when I kicked her to the curb in 1985 I told her the exact same thing. She didn’t learn.
So once again Steve, you end up on the wrong side of it. Not all men are bad. Not all women are the queens you think they are.
If the article is true (who knows? it could be made up, or not) that dude needs to drop kick that sniveling ding bat right down the road.
She didn‘t say he was spending them into bankruptcy. If he was, she would have said that. He evidently isn’t cheating (maybe he should be) or doing dope or hanging out at strip clubs. So his car hobby is a giant sin.
Just silly Steve. You are quick to judge a man you don’t know by the complaints of a woman you don‘t know. I’m going to side with the guy until it’s proven he’s doing something wrong.
Well said. couples decide what's important in life, what they want out of life.In a good marriage, that's a relationship that FEEDS the other person's
fire". They both keep that fire their entire lives. "Both" is the key word.
Exactly.My wife is not a car gal but she doesn't give me much greif about me and my hobby. I really try to keep the cr shows and projects under control. Both of mine are turn key drivers and don't require much attention at all. By not spending all my waking hours essing with cars keeps things running pretty smooth here. Now these websites is another story.
Once again baseless idiotic assumptions. I guess a tiger never changes his stripes apply's to youYour assumption that the guy is wrong in this is ridiculous. Is the woman always right? How do you know this guy’s priorities are wrong?
Maybe, just maybe the wire is just a miserable woman who can’t be made happy. Ever.
Of course, you being hen pecked and such won’t see that but I can name a dozen women I went to school with and am still friends with who are single because they were miserable, nasty, unhappy people and there wasn’t thing one the husband could do to make them happy.
In fact, one of them is my ex fiancée from 1984. She is still miserable, still nasty and thinks that everyone else is responsible to make and keep her happy.
My buddy ran into her ex at a funeral or something a couple years after the split. My buddy asked him wha happened and he said “I got tired of trying to make her happy and nothing made her happy”.
The funny thing is when I kicked her to the curb in 1985 I told her the exact same thing. She didn’t learn.
So once again Steve, you end up on the wrong side of it. Not all men are bad. Not all women are the queens you think they are.
If the article is true (who knows? it could be made up, or not) that dude needs to drop kick that sniveling ding bat right down the road.
She didn‘t say he was spending them into bankruptcy. If he was, she would have said that. He evidently isn’t cheating (maybe he should be) or doing dope or hanging out at strip clubs. So his car hobby is a giant sin.
Just silly Steve. You are quick to judge a man you don’t know by the complaints of a woman you don‘t know. I’m going to side with the guy until it’s proven he’s doing something wrong.
Many people are that exact combination. You know those people who have Disney bumper stickers, wear Disney clothes, drink from Disney coffee mugs, and go to Disneyland / World twice a year? That's them.I guess that makes me generous, honest, dumb and satanic.
I agree with you on everything important in life.In a good marriage, that's a relationship that FEEDS the other person's
fire". They both keep that fire their entire lives. "Both" is the key word.
You contradict yourself when you agree with a guy who calls me henpecked and makes assumptions with no basisIn my experience: When you get a man or woman alone and they vent about their spouse it is usually way overblown. My inclination is to think the husband isn't as overboard as his wife makes him out to be. It tells me a lot about a person that doesn't give an honest assessment, especially when lodging a complaint.
Now, none of us really know this couple and the real situation so all were are, in effect, doing is making enemies of eachother over someone else's problem. Most likely this is a fictitious couple, written about by the daughter of Abbey to maintain revenue by peddling salacious (fictitious) dirt. I mean, who the hell writes in to Dear Abbey? What kind of (psychologically) person does this?
There's an order to go in when solving issues with other people: Look introspectively. Look to God, if you believe. Talk to the "offender". Call a lawyer.
Where in that order is "Write to Dear Abbey
Do you guys believe soap operas are documentaries? Of course not and you wouldn't be arguing about it here.
Thats a assumption that you cannot possible knowThat column can be read a couple of different ways, but here's my take:
That woman has no real interests of her own. She relies on the rest of the world to keep her entertained, and after all these years she's realizing how badly that's working out for her. She resents that her husband has found a passion, and it's irrelevant that it involves cars- she would be just as bitter getting a dissertation on the nuances of Neo-Gothic architecture while travelling, being told about the geologic formation of those majestic mountains, the type of trees in that forest... Instead of pointing out interesting cars (in an otherwise boring movie), he isn't drooling over the young starlet with the busty figure and no acting talent, or ranting over the inaccuracies of the historical depiction of that era.
She will never be happy because the rest of the world does not cater to her, and life did not tun out to make her the princess she grew up believing she was. Her husband simply gets blamed because he's the only thing left in her life, so it must be his fault. The fact that he's found solace in an interest of his own just makes her angry, because he has achieved something she can't. And she refuses to show the smallest interest in his passion, because that would take away her only reason to be miserable.
The fact that he hasn't already kicked this bitter, uninspired, finger-pointing woman to the curb speaks volumes for his patience and devotion to her. He's not out at the bars until 2 am hitting on floozies, spending all their income on crack, or needing to constantly get bailed out of jail.
He's home with her, so what if he's in the garage doing an oil change or waxing the car instead of falling asleep on the couch trying to watch the latest Hallmark movie with her?
She needs to realize that the world does not revolve around her, and needs to be open to sharing some common interests- but it doesn't sound like she has anything of her own to offer, so the only option left to her is to set herself up as a martyr, a convenient crutch to garner herself some attention, pity, and an excuse for her self-proclaimed "misery".
I agree with you on everything important in life.
You contradict yourself when you agree with a guy who calls me henpecked and makes assumptions with no basis
Agreed that the Dear Abbey article is BS but who really knows, people like to vent in public, see their letter make a news column.
But while that article may be fictitious or not, some replies here aren't
If the car hobby, owning driving them is life only ambition, if thats what is so totally important then one should have married a woman onboard with that or married a doormat who could be walked all over.
The story I told about the guy who had the perfect old car and how he lived is real and not some hand me down second hand story
I see this all the time, guys with high end big money cars and won't spend a dime on their kids education, family vacations and so on, their self interests come first and it would be no wonder their spouse complained
Thats a assumption that you cannot possible know
The justification that a husband isn’t blowing his pay check in a bar or gambling it away,drugs or cheating as a justification for anything is a nonsense excuse and that door swings both ways
Enjoy your car hobby
Spend time with the wife and show some interest in her and you shouldn’t have a issue when you want to do your own thing
Have your priorities in order
Don’t spend money on hobby cars that could be put to use for more important family things unless you can with out question afford it
And your wife wont be writing into Dear Abbey drama column
As I said, it can be read several different ways, it's just my take on it.Thats a assumption that you cannot possible know
It's not a "justification", it just shows there are no more serious issues involved- and she's pretty far down the chain trying to find reasoning for her own dissatisfaction in life.The justification that a husband isn’t blowing his pay check in a bar or gambling it away,drugs or cheating as a justification for anything is a nonsense excuse and that door swings both ways
He travels with her (but he keeps pointing out interesting vehicles), they watch movies together (even though it's a flick he's obviously not all that interested in, but finds something about it to keep him engaged- the cars); don't you think she should show comparable effort?Spend time with the wife and show some interest in her and you shouldn’t have a issue when you want to do your own thing
Have your priorities in order
He's obviously led a full working life- he's ready to retire. This also means he's managed to save up an adequate nest egg, not spending excessively on frivolous or extravagant things that they can't afford. There's obviously priorities in their lives that have been addressed and dealt with. Funny that she does not mention any contribution she has made, or if she even works or has worked- sounds like a woman who expects to be "kept" and catered to instead of being an active partner. Just speculation there, but her own statements seem to support it.Don’t spend money on hobby cars that could be put to use for more important family things unless you can with out question afford it
Well, they've been to "several counselors" together, but "get nowhere". She claims it's because he "denies his obsession", but counselors are well-versed in that- people with issues deny they have issues, that's why they are issues. More likely she's not liking what the counselors are telling her; so it's on to the next counselor, hoping to find the response she wants to hear. When that fails, her last chance at vindication is writing to Dear Abby.And your wife wont be writing into Dear Abbey drama column
He travels with her (but he keeps pointing out interesting vehicles), they watch movies together (even though it's a flick he's obviously not all that interested in, but finds something about it to keep him engaged- the cars); don't you think she should show comparable effort?
some women are never happy just like some guys are never happy.....Ive met both types. It really doesn't matter if its the husband or wife, when one or the other becomes so obsessed with something in this case a car hobby, that it takes over a relationship to the point of ignoring one or the other, making someone feel less important, than thats a problem.As I said, it can be read several different ways, it's just my take on it.
It's not a "justification", it just shows there are no more serious issues involved- and she's pretty far down the chain trying to find reasoning for her own dissatisfaction in life.
He travels with her (but he keeps pointing out interesting vehicles), they watch movies together (even though it's a flick he's obviously not all that interested in, but finds something about it to keep him engaged- the cars); don't you think she should show comparable effort?
He's obviously led a full working life- he's ready to retire. This also means he's managed to save up an adequate nest egg, not spending excessively on frivolous or extravagant things that they can't afford. There's obviously priorities in their es that have been addressed and dealt with. Funny that she does not mention any contribution she has made, or if she even works or has worked- sounds like a woman who expects to be "kept" and catered to instead of being an active partner. Just speculation there, but her own statements seem to support it.
Well, they've been to "several counselors" together, but "get nowhere". She claims it's because he "denies his obsession", but counselors are well-versed in that- people with issues deny they have issues, that's why they are issues. More likely she's not liking what the counselors are telling her; so it's on to the next counselor, hoping to find the response she wants to hear. When that fails, her last chance at vindication is writing to Dear Abby.
All this can be is pure conjecture, coming from a one-sided viewpoint, and with far less than complete background information; so it can be nothing more than speculation. And it sounds suspiciously made-up.
And just so you know, I am happily married to a wonderful woman who doesn't tolerate any B.S. from me or herself. And as anyone who has also been on the other side of the fence will attest, we cherish every day of it.
That happened to my good friend. The "real her" gave him the clap.Sometimes....after the wedding, the real "you" is discovered!! Funny when that happens.
Not really!
Bottom line? That woman's probably not that great in bed. If she went the extra mile I am certain the husband would show more interest.
Whats amazing to me is how you make accusations while doing the exact same thing. Which would make you exactly what?There are 177 words that this mystery woman wrote to Dear Abbey. The person who she writes about does not have the luxury of writing a single word in rebuttal.
It is amazing to me that Steve is getting so wrapped around the axle over this. There is entirely too much he is projecting into the scenario. Damn feminist! LOL.
@Steve welder J/k, but do keep in mind, this is just Dear Abbey.
Bottom line? That woman's probably not that great in bed. If she went the extra mile I am certain the husband would show more interest.
So somehow someway you came to the conclusion, thoughts, assumption, opinion, just from reading a Dear Abbey column that this woman isn't satisfying her husband sexually and if she made more of a effort, her husband would show more interest? I assume less obsession with cars and more attention to the wife.
The way I read it, this is what you posted and its really to bad you think this way