Compromising in a marriage......Now there is a novel idea!
Some people just don't get it!
- Thread starter Dana67Dart
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340sFastback
Well-Known Member
Be slightly annoying to the wife then they are glad you are off playing with the cars and not bugging them anymore.
What!.......No sammich this time!
Steve welder
Well-Known Member
Its apparent who has has lousy priorities or are just plain selfish and self consumed from reading some of the posts here
Years ago when I wanted to get back into the hobby and it's just that a hobby not a life consuming ambition but I wasn't there yet financially there was this guy who had a absolutely gorgeous classic muscle car. I was in awe of this car and my buddy who knew the owner told me, this guy still rents a small apartment, he was married with two girls in grade school
His priorities were never his family other than to keep a roof over their heads and a meal on the table, everything else revolved around the hobby car
My buddy who knew me very well said, take a good look because your the exact opposite of what that guy is
Years later I dont wonder how life turned out for this guy who had that car and its the reason why he is were he is in life and why im were I am
Marry well, get what's important in life in order, when you ignore your wife and make her feel second best, while she does everything for you and your children and all you can do is indulge in expensive things that only you want, my opinion is you are a useless POS
If life turns out less than what you expected and you now have to depend on your spouse you will understand what im talking about in short order
Years ago when I wanted to get back into the hobby and it's just that a hobby not a life consuming ambition but I wasn't there yet financially there was this guy who had a absolutely gorgeous classic muscle car. I was in awe of this car and my buddy who knew the owner told me, this guy still rents a small apartment, he was married with two girls in grade school
His priorities were never his family other than to keep a roof over their heads and a meal on the table, everything else revolved around the hobby car
My buddy who knew me very well said, take a good look because your the exact opposite of what that guy is
Years later I dont wonder how life turned out for this guy who had that car and its the reason why he is were he is in life and why im were I am
Marry well, get what's important in life in order, when you ignore your wife and make her feel second best, while she does everything for you and your children and all you can do is indulge in expensive things that only you want, my opinion is you are a useless POS
If life turns out less than what you expected and you now have to depend on your spouse you will understand what im talking about in short order
In a good marriage, that's a relationship that FEEDS the other person's
fire". They both keep that fire their entire lives. "Both" is the key word.
fire". They both keep that fire their entire lives. "Both" is the key word.
My wife is not a car gal but she doesn't give me much greif about me and my hobby. I really try to keep the cr shows and projects under control. Both of mine are turn key drivers and don't require much attention at all. By not spending all my waking hours essing with cars keeps things running pretty smooth here. Now these websites is another story. 
Rat Bastid
Dunamis Metron
Your assumption that the guy is wrong in this is ridiculous. Is the woman always right? How do you know this guy’s priorities are wrong?
Maybe, just maybe the wire is just a miserable woman who can’t be made happy. Ever.
Of course, you being hen pecked and such won’t see that but I can name a dozen women I went to school with and am still friends with who are single because they were miserable, nasty, unhappy people and there wasn’t thing one the husband could do to make them happy.
In fact, one of them is my ex fiancée from 1984. She is still miserable, still nasty and thinks that everyone else is responsible to make and keep her happy.
My buddy ran into her ex at a funeral or something a couple years after the split. My buddy asked him wha happened and he said “I got tired of trying to make her happy and nothing made her happy”.
The funny thing is when I kicked her to the curb in 1985 I told her the exact same thing. She didn’t learn.
So once again Steve, you end up on the wrong side of it. Not all men are bad. Not all women are the queens you think they are.
If the article is true (who knows? it could be made up, or not) that dude needs to drop kick that sniveling ding bat right down the road.
She didn‘t say he was spending them into bankruptcy. If he was, she would have said that. He evidently isn’t cheating (maybe he should be) or doing dope or hanging out at strip clubs. So his car hobby is a giant sin.
Just silly Steve. You are quick to judge a man you don’t know by the complaints of a woman you don‘t know. I’m going to side with the guy until it’s proven he’s doing something wrong.
iScamp
Well-Known Member
My wife would complain constantly while on vacations, "i'm bored... I'm tired.... I'm cold.... I'm hungry.....". I finally got fed up and told her, "I'm not your Cruise Director. You're an adult, you figure it out." She can be so self centered and tactless. She could say, 'Are you hungry? I could go for something to eat', for example. Include me in the situation, instead me just being her lackey.
There is an old nursery rhyme, " girls are made of sugar and spice... boys are made of snails....." I wish those satanic words were never spoken. I actually believed it until I was about 19 or twenty; if a girl wasn't nice it's because she has to deal with a bad dude.
We are all sinners and all have a corrupt nature. None of us were taught to be selfish, it just comes naturally.
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Steve welder
Well-Known Member
Well said. couples decide what's important in life, what they want out of life.
Exactly.My wife is not a car gal but she doesn't give me much greif about me and my hobby. I really try to keep the cr shows and projects under control. Both of mine are turn key drivers and don't require much attention at all. By not spending all my waking hours essing with cars keeps things running pretty smooth here. Now these websites is another story.
Once again baseless idiotic assumptions. I guess a tiger never changes his stripes apply's to you
Anybody with a once of common sense would know there is two sides to a story and than there is the truth. But all I can go on is the thread the OP posted.
You like to insult people while you maintain complete anonymity, first it was the dryer thread and now im according to you im "henpecked".
Of course I never said all men are bad or all women are queens....Did I say that? Show us exactly were I said that or is this just another A hole comment?
Your all alone and its obvious why that is.
Many people are that exact combination. You know those people who have Disney bumper stickers, wear Disney clothes, drink from Disney coffee mugs, and go to Disneyland / World twice a year? That's them.
In my experience: When you get a man or woman alone and they vent about their spouse it is usually way overblown. My inclination is to think the husband isn't as overboard as his wife makes him out to be. It tells me a lot about a person that doesn't give an honest assessment, especially when lodging a complaint.
Now, none of us really know this couple and the real situation so all were are, in effect, doing is making enemies of eachother over someone else's problem. Most likely this is a fictitious couple, written about by the daughter of Abbey to maintain revenue by peddling salacious (fictitious) dirt. I mean, who the hell writes in to Dear Abbey? What kind of (psychologically) person does this?
There's an order to go in when solving issues with other people: Look introspectively. Look to God, if you believe. Talk to the "offender". Call a lawyer.
Where in that order is "Write to Dear Abbey"?
Do you guys believe soap operas are documentaries? Of course not and you wouldn't be arguing about it here.
Now, none of us really know this couple and the real situation so all were are, in effect, doing is making enemies of eachother over someone else's problem. Most likely this is a fictitious couple, written about by the daughter of Abbey to maintain revenue by peddling salacious (fictitious) dirt. I mean, who the hell writes in to Dear Abbey? What kind of (psychologically) person does this?
There's an order to go in when solving issues with other people: Look introspectively. Look to God, if you believe. Talk to the "offender". Call a lawyer.
Where in that order is "Write to Dear Abbey"?
Do you guys believe soap operas are documentaries? Of course not and you wouldn't be arguing about it here.
iScamp
Well-Known Member
I've got another coworker that occasionally is a de facto marrigage counselor. I told him he ought to be a bartender. Anyway, he said, "every divorce has 3 sides: her side, his side, and somewhere in between is the truth."
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A guy once said, hobbies were invented to keep working people from going insane. If the wife resented the time/money her husband spends on a hobby, life can be pretty miserable for both parties.
Lucky is the man that loves is work and his time spent there, or has a hobby that actually makes a profit.
Lucky is the man that loves is work and his time spent there, or has a hobby that actually makes a profit.
Professor Fate
Push the button, Max...
That column can be read a couple of different ways, but here's my take:
That woman has no real interests of her own. She relies on the rest of the world to keep her entertained, and after all these years she's realizing how badly that's working out for her. She resents that her husband has found a passion, and it's irrelevant that it involves cars- she would be just as bitter getting a dissertation on the nuances of Neo-Gothic architecture while travelling, being told about the geologic formation of those majestic mountains, the type of trees in that forest... Instead of pointing out interesting cars (in an otherwise boring movie), he isn't drooling over the young starlet with the busty figure and no acting talent, or ranting over the inaccuracies of the historical depiction of that era.
She will never be happy because the rest of the world does not cater to her, and life did not tun out to make her the princess she grew up believing she was. Her husband simply gets blamed because he's the only thing left in her life, so it must be his fault. The fact that he's found solace in an interest of his own just makes her angry, because he has achieved something she can't. And she refuses to show the smallest interest in his passion, because that would take away her only reason to be miserable.
The fact that he hasn't already kicked this bitter, uninspired, finger-pointing woman to the curb speaks volumes for his patience and devotion to her. He's not out at the bars until 2 am hitting on floozies, spending all their income on crack, or needing to constantly get bailed out of jail.
He's home with her, so what if he's in the garage doing an oil change or waxing the car instead of falling asleep on the couch trying to watch the latest Hallmark movie with her?
She needs to realize that the world does not revolve around her, and needs to be open to sharing some common interests- but it doesn't sound like she has anything of her own to offer, so the only option left to her is to set herself up as a martyr, a convenient crutch to garner herself some attention, pity, and an excuse for her self-proclaimed "misery".
That woman has no real interests of her own. She relies on the rest of the world to keep her entertained, and after all these years she's realizing how badly that's working out for her. She resents that her husband has found a passion, and it's irrelevant that it involves cars- she would be just as bitter getting a dissertation on the nuances of Neo-Gothic architecture while travelling, being told about the geologic formation of those majestic mountains, the type of trees in that forest... Instead of pointing out interesting cars (in an otherwise boring movie), he isn't drooling over the young starlet with the busty figure and no acting talent, or ranting over the inaccuracies of the historical depiction of that era.
She will never be happy because the rest of the world does not cater to her, and life did not tun out to make her the princess she grew up believing she was. Her husband simply gets blamed because he's the only thing left in her life, so it must be his fault. The fact that he's found solace in an interest of his own just makes her angry, because he has achieved something she can't. And she refuses to show the smallest interest in his passion, because that would take away her only reason to be miserable.
The fact that he hasn't already kicked this bitter, uninspired, finger-pointing woman to the curb speaks volumes for his patience and devotion to her. He's not out at the bars until 2 am hitting on floozies, spending all their income on crack, or needing to constantly get bailed out of jail.
He's home with her, so what if he's in the garage doing an oil change or waxing the car instead of falling asleep on the couch trying to watch the latest Hallmark movie with her?
She needs to realize that the world does not revolve around her, and needs to be open to sharing some common interests- but it doesn't sound like she has anything of her own to offer, so the only option left to her is to set herself up as a martyr, a convenient crutch to garner herself some attention, pity, and an excuse for her self-proclaimed "misery".
Dartswinger70
Well-Known Member
Mine told me a long time ago "as long as the bills are paid...and your responsibilities are covered, you can buy what you want." That's not to say I have a show car but mine is in work. I don't know if in the end I would have afforded a nice show car, I figure this way doing it as I can afford it, its like a payment plan and in the end when the car is done it will be paid for 
Steve welder
Well-Known Member
I agree with you on everything important in life.
You contradict yourself when you agree with a guy who calls me henpecked and makes assumptions with no basis
Agreed that the Dear Abbey article is BS but who really knows, people like to vent in public, see their letter make a news column.
But while that article may be fictitious or not, some replies here aren't
If the car hobby, owning driving them is life only ambition, if thats what is so totally important then one should have married a woman onboard with that or married a doormat who could be walked all over.
The story I told about the guy who had the perfect old car and how he lived is real and not some hand me down second hand story
I see this all the time, guys with high end big money cars and won't spend a dime on their kids education, family vacations and so on, their self interests come first and it would be no wonder their spouse complained
Thats a assumption that you cannot possible know
The justification that a husband isn’t blowing his pay check in a bar or gambling it away,drugs or cheating as a justification for anything is a nonsense excuse and that door swings both ways
Enjoy your car hobby
Spend time with the wife and show some interest in her and you shouldn’t have a issue when you want to do your own thing
Have your priorities in order
Don’t spend money on hobby cars that could be put to use for more important family things unless you can with out question afford it
And your wife wont be writing into Dear Abbey drama column
Rat Bastid
Dunamis Metron
Everything you’ve posted is full of assumptions Steve. And you went right to criticizing the guy. That’s on YOU. Evidently you live in a wonderland where all women perfect and men are just knuckle dragging idiots.
Like I said, the guy should retire and kick that skank to the curb. You see Steve, I assume the guy has worked his *** off, raised his family (maybe not to your standards but its hard to live up to your perfection) and is now ready to do what he has been putting off for everyone and everything else.
You did the exact opposite. I say your assumptions are pure bullshit like 99% of the rest of the garbage you post.
Cluck cluck.
Professor Fate
Push the button, Max...
As I said, it can be read several different ways, it's just my take on it.
It's not a "justification", it just shows there are no more serious issues involved- and she's pretty far down the chain trying to find reasoning for her own dissatisfaction in life.
He travels with her (but he keeps pointing out interesting vehicles), they watch movies together (even though it's a flick he's obviously not all that interested in, but finds something about it to keep him engaged- the cars); don't you think she should show comparable effort?
He's obviously led a full working life- he's ready to retire. This also means he's managed to save up an adequate nest egg, not spending excessively on frivolous or extravagant things that they can't afford. There's obviously priorities in their lives that have been addressed and dealt with. Funny that she does not mention any contribution she has made, or if she even works or has worked- sounds like a woman who expects to be "kept" and catered to instead of being an active partner. Just speculation there, but her own statements seem to support it.
Well, they've been to "several counselors" together, but "get nowhere". She claims it's because he "denies his obsession", but counselors are well-versed in that- people with issues deny they have issues, that's why they are issues. More likely she's not liking what the counselors are telling her; so it's on to the next counselor, hoping to find the response she wants to hear. When that fails, her last chance at vindication is writing to Dear Abby.
All this can be is pure conjecture, coming from a one-sided viewpoint, and with far less than complete background information; so it can be nothing more than speculation. And it sounds suspiciously made-up.
And just so you know, I am happily married to a wonderful woman who doesn't tolerate any B.S. from me or herself. And as anyone who has also been on the other side of the fence will attest, we cherish every day of it.
Nail, meet hammer.
Steve welder
Well-Known Member
some women are never happy just like some guys are never happy.....Ive met both types. It really doesn't matter if its the husband or wife, when one or the other becomes so obsessed with something in this case a car hobby, that it takes over a relationship to the point of ignoring one or the other, making someone feel less important, than thats a problem.
When you mention "he's led a full working life, he's ready to retire". Maybe she's worked all her married life, maybe she raised the kids than went back to work and maybe she isn't into the car hobby.....I dont see her denying the guy to enjoy what he likes but maybe she is sick and tired of this constant car stuff
Think about it if the tables were turned
My wife and I never had time for these nonsense problems, we were to busy both working, raising the kids, paying tuitions, fixing up our old house
There are 177 words that this mystery woman wrote to Dear Abbey. The person who she writes about does not have the luxury of writing a single word in rebuttal.
It is amazing to me that Steve is getting so wrapped around the axle over this. There is entirely too much he is projecting into the scenario. Damn feminist! LOL.
@Steve welder J/k, but do keep in mind, this is just Dear Abbey.
It is amazing to me that Steve is getting so wrapped around the axle over this. There is entirely too much he is projecting into the scenario. Damn feminist! LOL.
@Steve welder J/k, but do keep in mind, this is just Dear Abbey.
Jarlaxle
Well-Known Member
That happened to my good friend. The "real her" gave him the clap.Sometimes....after the wedding, the real "you" is discovered!! Funny when that happens.
Not really!
Here's a dating tip if you want to raise the odds of your potential future wife being OK with your car hobby-
Date or marry a girl that drives a vehicle with a manual transmission.
NOT kidding. 100% serious.
My future wife drove a 5 speed s-10, owned an air compressor, and requested "Triumph" the first time I played songs from my music collection for her.
That covered my car hobby, my mechanical interests in general and assured a reasonable match on musical tastes.
Win, Win, Win.
Date or marry a girl that drives a vehicle with a manual transmission.
NOT kidding. 100% serious.
My future wife drove a 5 speed s-10, owned an air compressor, and requested "Triumph" the first time I played songs from my music collection for her.
That covered my car hobby, my mechanical interests in general and assured a reasonable match on musical tastes.
Win, Win, Win.
Steve welder
Well-Known Member
So somehow someway you came to the conclusion, thoughts, assumption, opinion, just from reading a Dear Abbey column that this woman isn't satisfying her husband sexually and if she made more of a effort, her husband would show more interest? I assume less obsession with cars and more attention to the wife.
The way I read it, this is what you posted and its really to bad you think this way
Whats amazing to me is how you make accusations while doing the exact same thing. Which would make you exactly what?
Everything is opinions but your thoughts on women and marriage are now known to all, a man is not satisfied with his sex life with his wife now thats his excuse to do whatever he pleases
And this applies to both people in a relationship
Ive been married longer than you've been on this earth and have zero regrets. My wife pays attention to me and I pay attention to her. We both strive to a common goal and while were not up each others assholes we are there together for each other, im not gawking over some old car like thats the most important thing in the world either.
Now im a "feminist" ? Why because I presented another possible side to a story and all you can think of is the wife isn't screwing her husband enough?
You're a poor example of father of a daughter.
Tired of your know it all opinions about older people and now women.
First of all, I was joking about her not being good in bed because, unlike you, I realized right off the bat that Dear Abbey stories are probably fake, we're only getting one side of the story, and if this is true we don't know these people. You are projecting too much of your life into this Dear Abbey and assuming too much about others. You sound like you're bored. You assumed too much about this BS story in Dear Abbey and ALL of your assumptions about me are completely wrong.
If you knew me you would know that I have been married for 19 years to a woman I proposed to on the 3rd date (fourth time even seeing her). We have built an amazing life and family. We are soul mates, 100%. My woman wakes me up in the morning for sex and brings me coffee. Do you think that is because I am an *** to her? She does it because she loves me and can't get enough of my love. I randomly send flowers to her office. I put in the garden for her every year and most importantly, I am growing our children and am a fierce protector. We are protecting against this BS liberal world we live in, as a family unit. We are all unvaxxed too. You probably think I am harming my family by not being vaxxed and potentially facing a termination from my employer for not getting the shot. My wife and I see it as the opposite. I was ready to leave a career and retirement rather than compromise my morals. Would you? That's the strength/confidence that my woman is attracted to. She knows that if you take away all my success and possessions and move me across the country I will have rebuilt in a years time. Why? Because you can't keep a good man down. My wife knows that.
I coached my daughter in softball for 8 years. My daughter and I go on Dad/Daughter trips to Yosemite or to the Sequoias every year. We hike together routinely. My daughter and son accompany me on fishing trips. My daughter will know exactly what to look for in a husband. I can't wait to meet my future son in law because he is going to be a lot like me.
I am teaching my son to become a real man. He's probably more handy than you at 10 years old, I would place money on it. At eight he asked for a soldering iron for Christmas. This year he is getting a 3D printer. He hunts, fishes, knows firearms discipline, he knows many wilderness survival skills. We don't do Boy Scouts, we live on the boundary of the Pine Creek Wilderness and within a National Forest. We live in Forest Service housing on the same compound as my fire station. I chose this location strictly for family reasons. I am accessible to my family at any point if I'm at work.
My kids know exactly what they want to do in life and have a path already self-identified. That's because of the leadership they have. I am a combat Veteran, I fight forest fires, I am an outdoorsman, I am healthy and physically fit, I have compassion for animals, I have appreciation for God's green Earth. I am thankful for even the terrible things that have happened in my life. You are delusional about what behaviors I model to my family. You are closed minded. You are restricted in your thinking by your past experiences. You are cookie cutter. I am a man of free will.
As far as "older" people? Damn near all my heroes are Boomers, some from prior history, very few from the present. I have nothing against anyone for their age. You cn get out of here with that talk. I was railing against people who assume something from an age category. I was talking about the Boomers (or anyone else) who think that, collectively, that their **** don't stink and that following generations are screw-ups. When people say "WE" when referring to their generation is what I am talking about, as if the whole Boomer generation has one collective thought and goals.
Assigning names and categories for generations is a detriment anyway. Boomer, Gen X, Gen Y,... God knows none of us in this way. God knew each one of us before we were born. We ALL have the same origin point and linear time does not exist there. Values are values and they don't change with different generations, however, they can stop getting passed down. Life skills are timeless. If ANYONE from ANY generation is going to use absolutes and generalities, like "WE", then you also have to say that "WE" raised/taught, and modeled for a generation WE think are screw-ups". I hope WE can agree that using absolutes and generalities is asinine.
If that's not you then I'm not talking to you. That is pretty much what it was about but your feelings got hurt so much you couldn't get the context. You took that as an attack on your person. If you took that as an attack on your person then you are either the person I was talking about or you have a problem with comprehension. Robb, I'm talking to you too.
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