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My Luck
- Thread starter Mark Wainwright
- Start date
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A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost.
He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, "Can you please help me, I don't know what Hole I'm on."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."
He thanked her and continued playing golf.
Later, he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed.
"I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost; can you please tell me what hole I'm on."
She told him, "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."
Again, he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse.
He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out.
She accepted.
As they were drinking and talking, he asked her what she did for a living.
"I'm in sales," she said.
He replied, "No kidding; so am I."
"What do you sell?"
She responded that it was too embarrassing to tell; but after he kept pleading to know what she sold, she finally said that she would tell him if he promised not to laugh.
He promised.
She said, "I sell sanitary napkins."
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".
He replied (still with tears in his eyes), "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper..... I'm still one Hole behind you."
He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, "Can you please help me, I don't know what Hole I'm on."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."
He thanked her and continued playing golf.
Later, he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed.
"I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost; can you please tell me what hole I'm on."
She told him, "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."
Again, he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse.
He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out.
She accepted.
As they were drinking and talking, he asked her what she did for a living.
"I'm in sales," she said.
He replied, "No kidding; so am I."
"What do you sell?"
She responded that it was too embarrassing to tell; but after he kept pleading to know what she sold, she finally said that she would tell him if he promised not to laugh.
He promised.
She said, "I sell sanitary napkins."
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".
He replied (still with tears in his eyes), "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper..... I'm still one Hole behind you."
The rain was pouring down, and there, by a large puddle outside a pub, stood an old Irishman, completely soaked. He was holding a stick with a piece of string dangling into the water.
A passer-by, curious and feeling a bit sorry for him, stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Fishing," the old man replied.
Feeling bad for him, the gentleman said, "Why don't you come in out of the rain and have a drink with me?"
Grateful, the old man followed him inside, and soon they were sitting in the warmth of the pub, sipping on their whiskies. After a while, the gentleman couldn’t help but ask, "So, how many have you caught today?"
The old man looked up with a smile and said, "You're the eighth."
A passer-by, curious and feeling a bit sorry for him, stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Fishing," the old man replied.
Feeling bad for him, the gentleman said, "Why don't you come in out of the rain and have a drink with me?"
Grateful, the old man followed him inside, and soon they were sitting in the warmth of the pub, sipping on their whiskies. After a while, the gentleman couldn’t help but ask, "So, how many have you caught today?"
The old man looked up with a smile and said, "You're the eighth."
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An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake.
He hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age when he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well, sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" he replies, "What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back."
He hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age when he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well, sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" he replies, "What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back."
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