My Luck

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A woman is going away for a girl’s weekend out. She tells her husband she made sandwiches for him in the fridge and make sure he feeds the dog. Well Saturday he ate a sandwich and gave the dog some dog food. For dinner he tries the dog food and likes it and gives the dog the sandwich. He does the same Sunday. He tells the wife to just buy him dog food from now on. She is buying dog food, and the grocer says did you get another dog? She says no. My Husband eats it. He says that **** will kill him. A month goes by and she is only buying dog food for the dog. The grocer asks if her husband has stopped eating it. She says, my Husband passed away. He said I told it would kill him. She says no he got run over by a truck while licking his balls out in the street.
 
Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are chatting.

Dorothy says, "That nice George Johnson asked me out on a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna responds, "Well, I'll tell you. He showed up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brought me beautiful flowers! Then he took me downstairs, and there was a luxury car waiting—a limousine with a uniformed chauffeur and all. He took me out for a marvelous dinner: lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we went to see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!

So then we’re coming back to my apartment, and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me twice!"

Dorothy exclaims, "Goodness gracious! ...so you're telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna replies, "No, no, no! I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
 
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