Things your Dad used to say.

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Wish in one hand and **** in the other and see which one fills up.
Don't worry, hard work will make up for all that stupidity.
 
“Tough Tittie” when people didnt get their way.
I adapted it. “Roufus nippli” so its more polite. Also a good user name in forums.
 
When I was trying to decide between two similar things, "Well its 6 of one, half dozen of the other"
 
Tooljunkie said:
I remember one. Dad used it often, when i was very young.
“You make a better door than a window!”
I had a habit of standing in front of the t.v.
That was the black and white tv days,you young whipper snappers wouldnt remember that!
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I used to tell my step sons, "Your father was not a glass maker".
 
RustyRatRod said:
Cause I said so.

We'll see.........which meant no.
.
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"Cause I said so" was a biggy when I was a teen.

'We'll see" did not necessarily mean no, usually it met he was going to think it over and he would come up with a better idea.

When holding children that were heaver than they looked he would say "He's sure heavy for his weight"

Then Pappy Towner had a couple I loved.
He would say about a tight person. "He's so tight you couldn't drive a flax seed up his *** with an 8 lb Sledge."

Another one was. "When you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds soon follow."
 
Looks like a lot of our Dad's had similar sayings.Mine died in a work accident when I was 14 so most memories of him are vague but I do remember Wish in one hand and **** in the other and see which one fills up faster...Close the door.. were you born in a barn ?... You make a better door than a window.Dad was a water well driller and a big guy...when He was mad at someone he always said...I'ma gonna go kick a lung out of him.
 
worthless as Tits on a boar hog!
just pissin in the wind!
Well Boys lets call back the dogs piss on the fire and go home.
 
"You have diarrhea of the mouth, and constipation of the mind."
"A closed mouth gathers no foot"
"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired"
 
I grew up with my father and my grandparents right next door. As it's
A family farm dating back to the 1800's
My late Grandfather used to say:
If the Women were nagging
"Bitchery nothing but bitchery"

After a break
"When I get some ambition."

Something stuck
"Stuck on like goose sh×*"

Pail that didn't leak
"Tighter than a beaver *$#"

When milking cows he would check to see if pipeline was leaking.
"Milk pail was full so I went to the milkhouse to get an empty pail. I waded thru the milk to get a pail from the sink"

Paid off his tractor.
"See that puff of Smoke? I OWN THAT!

So many more that I can't remember but my father says them from time to time.

My father, farmer and superb welder that can embarrass professionals

"Can't fix it? Bring it here and let's do it"
"Cant be done? Then you just challenged me."
"Its only metal"
"I walked to school barefoot uphill both ways, and wrapped barbed wire around my feet for traction in the winter"
When talking about an idiot
"The lights are on but nobody is home"
When it is time to plant corn.
"In by the 4th of may or lose a bushel a day"
Or
"When you stick your finger in the ground and it is as warm as when you stick ypur finger in your &$/ then its time to plant."
Or
"When the bids on the oak tree are as big as a squirrels ear"
Corn growing
"Knee high by the 4th of july"


Also many others that I hear every day
 
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Not all from Dad...
Cut it off 3 times and it's still too short.
Wouldn't spend a nickel to see an eathquake. ( cheap)
I'm too old 'a cat to be fooled by the kittens.
Unions are gonna' be the death of this country.
Decisions based soley on emotion almost guarantee failure.
 
My dad was a professional lunatic.
Your *** is grass, and I'm the lawnmower.
Rings don't plug holes.
Don't steal anything that has to do with work.
 
"He doesn't know his *** from a hole in the ground"

"Cheer up, things can get worse... I cheered up and things got worse"
 
from my Grandfather
If it has tits or tires always cheaper to rent
If it is to tough for you it is just right for me
 
Dad didn't say too much unless he had to, but grandpa was the best, had a saying for everything. Just a few that I remember:
It’s the fat tick that gets the lazy dog

Don’t f^@k nothing you don’t want to marry

Make all of your decisions while your drunk

Hornier than a two pecker billy goat

When the weather's hot and sticky there's no time for dunkin' dickie; when the frost is on the punkin that's the time for dickie dunkin'!
 
My father was a career USAF man and then a computer room printer operator (God rest his soul). He was the most self-educated man that I ever knew (and a high school dropout too). I would bet that he had a PhD’s level of self education in just about everything (from science, history, astronomy and most other subjects (particularly world events)). He often said:

1. Rotsa ruck GI!
2. Max nix (machs nicht from German, meaning “means nothing” or doesn’t matter).
3. It’s a good thing that your head is screwed on tight or you’d lose that too!
4. Ipsy dixit (Latin for admitted from your own mouth)
5. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
6. Necessity is the mother of invention.
7. It’s as cold as a witch’s tit. (Especially when we lived in Alaska for 3 years.)
8. You can either be a ditch digger or an office worker - your choice if you have a college degree.
9. You’d better do well in HS and get a scholarship if you want to go to college as I ain’t paying!
10. If you want to serve in the military, you can sleep in a foxhole if you join the Army, you can sleep in a cot on a target if you join the Navy or you can sleep at home if you join the USAF! You choose.

He had his (major) problems, but I still loved him. Miss you dad and I hope that you are doing what you always wanted right now!
 
My dad would always say:
"those that can do and those that can't teach" and "don't make a career out of welding"
Well pops passed away in 2002 and what did I go on to do, I'm a Welding Instructor for the past 12 years after being a welder/ fabricator most of my career.
I know he would be proud if he was still around love and miss my dad.
Kevin
 
gonna do a book on this topic,...most are to racy for here as i was raised by a single parent truck driver and g'pa lived next door and was a truck driver to,...
wish in one hand and chit in other an see witch fills up fist! hard head makes a soft ***! never let ya friends around ya woman, never know when they'll sling a rod in ether! dont matter if ya a pimp in a ***** house long as ya good at it! 2 cant get on it, 1 cant hurt it!

yes,..still work'in on gettin over my upbringing....
 
"What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"
 
Mine used to say "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right" Remember sitting around the table talking for hours. Miss you Dad.


ocdart said:
Lost my dad when I was only 7 so don't remember any memorable sayings from him, but here's one I picked up from somewhere that my kids got tired of hearing from me,

"If you've got time to do it over, then you had time to do it right the first time."


Here's another one, "Put it away, in your room...where I want it to be, not where you think it should be."
That was specifically directed to my son who, when I told him to put something in his room, usually put it on the floor just inside the doorway to his room.
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My grandfather used to say:
Tighter than a cats ***, and
Right up the ole bunghole.
 
Dad, never really said a lot. grand pa didn't give him much chance.
but what I remember is:
Do what I say, not what I do!
If you tell your mother, we don't get to do this again
Do what your wallet will let you.
and his most important piece of advice
"Son, once I sell this GD farm, don't you dare get back into farming. Cows don't care its Christmas, vacation or even if your sick. They didn't care that both your uncle or your dad went to Vietnam, they want feed and milked and they don't stop till they die."
Man was serious too.
 
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