Am I wrong?

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inkjunkie

inkjunkie

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I am retired, out one disability but I consider it retired. Have a friend that is on me to come over and look at there atv. I am dragging my a** getting there. It will not start, sort of sounds like a bad starter. Anyway....ever since leaving the Post Office I have developed this feeling of not wanting to be "obligated" to anybody but my wife and myself. Up to the point of leaving the PO I was the first to volunteer for things. Really enjoyed helping people. But any more I just do not want to. And if I am going to do something it will be on my schedule. Is it wrong to feel like this?
 
Nope.

Doug, the one thing that you truly own, the one thing no one can take away from you, tax you on, or otherwise claim possession to, is how you feel.
 
Not to me it isn't. Personal choice.

Once in a while I will volunteer to help someone but it's when I can get to it.
 
No. I am the same way now.
 
In the last several years I made what turned out to be a non - fullfilling choice to tutor two would be amateur radio ops. Neither of these guys has ever had any high school algebra, a decided disadvantage when trying to learn anything about RF theory

One guy went S for the winter to "take care of his Mom." When he got back, I shot him a few questions after asking if he'd been cracking the books.

Learned nothing. Worse. He got all defensive, and things went down from there.

Now what we're talking about here, is a long morning sometimes most of the day once or twice a week, so I had PLENTY of my time invested in both these guys. "Help" is not a one way street. The other end has to do their part. 'S one reason I get so cranky when people come here for help, and cannot be bothered to respond to some simple questions.

But in the end, Doug, it's all your personal choice.
 
inkjunkie said:
I am retired, out one disability but I consider it retired. Have a friend that is on me to come over and look at there atv. I am dragging my a** getting there. It will not start, sort of sounds like a bad starter. Anyway....ever since leaving the Post Office I have developed this feeling of not wanting to be "obligated" to anybody but my wife and myself. Up to the point of leaving the PO I was the first to volunteer for things. Really enjoyed helping people. But any more I just do not want to. And if I am going to do something it will be on my schedule. Is it wrong to feel like this?
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I don't know if anyone would accuse you of being wrong for feeling like this, but maybe it's a little worrisome. You know, by sort of "withdrawing", if that's what it is......I've got a whole story on this, but I'm not going to get into it. I live out in the desert, remember?

If it's just you not wanting to feel committed to working on other people's stuff, I know exactly what that feels like. I started just telling people "I'm feelin' lazy", then laugh. Works every time. OR.....I'll tell them "you bring it over, you do the work, and I'll direct" It gets old when people want you to do them a favor and get their stuff running so they can flip it. LOL
 
Bad Sport said:
Not to me it isn't. Personal choice.

Once in a while I will volunteer to help someone but it's when I can get to it.
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I know exactly what you mean. I did tell them that I wanted to load it onto my trailer and bring it here, that I would look at it when I could. Somehow that got twisted into they would run it down and help me with it. I never got the feeling they do not trust me wit it, they just want me to look at it right now.
They called and invited us to dinner tonight....and reminded me to bring my meter. With it being the 4th we declined.....my dogs freak out over the fireworks & we do our best to see that they are not alone on the 4th.

cudavert said:
I don't know if anyone would accuse you of being wrong for feeling like this, but maybe it's a little worrisome. You know, by sort of "withdrawing", if that's what it is......I've got a whole story on this, but I'm not going to get into it. I live out in the desert, remember?

If it's just you not wanting to feel committed to working on other people's stuff, I know exactly what that feels like. I started just telling people "I'm feelin' lazy", then laugh. Works every time. OR.....I'll tell them "you bring it over, you do the work, and I'll direct" It gets old when people want you to do them a favor and get their stuff running so they can flip it. LOL
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I understand the worrisome point. Not withdrawn, at least I do not think so. I have been over there place numerous times for dinner and to play Canasta. Have went to dinner with them a few times. I do want to help them....but on my schedule. I had every intention of going over on Saturday but they will be at a neighbors for a graduation party. I offered to bring the thing here but that went over like a lead balloon.....
 
Sounds like to me it's not your issue but theirs, you are being very helpful in offering to work on it at all. You offering to bring it home to work on it, them declining, personally I would say screw it. When I work on stuff that can be brought home I do. Have my tools and can get a bit of time here and there that if it wasn't here wouldn't happen.
 
Doug,
I feel just like you. I have people want me to do what I pay other people to do for me yet they don't comprehend it when I don't want to work on their stuff. If I do work on someone else's stuff to help them out, it has to be on my schedule and my terms. Jumping through hoops to work on non-emergency things just doesn't work for me anymore. If it is an emergency I am there to lend a hand.

I have a great guy that helps me out and I will always do everything I can to repay him but at the same time I always teach him how to do it because there are times I just can't do much. He has learned a lot over the years and is there getting his hands dirty.
 
I'm just happy I'm not a proctologist, I'ld hate to have to deal with a$$holes on weekends, too.
 
No. Its not wrong at all. I love helping people but its my schedule and my rules. They can suck a lemon if they think I'm a donkey's rear for it. I have stopped helping a lot of people lately as its a two-way street and a lot of people see it as I am just doing something I love for free. No, I love helping people but not when its inconvenient for me or when they will never return a favor or ingratiate me whats so ever. A good example: I went to help a buddy out because he knows zip about cars and his car wouldnt start. So I bumped his starter and sent him on his way home and told him we'd fix it tomorrow since I was off anyhow and it isnt a big fuss to change the starter on a Honda Accord. Next day comes, fine and dandy fix his starter and he thanks me. Fast forward a week, I'm sick as a dog and all I want in the entire world is an alkaseltzer so I call him up and ask him if he could do me a huge favor and bring me some alkaseltzer and I'd pay him back tomorrow when I got paid. He only lives 2 miles away and the grocery store is between me and him so I figure no big deal. Nope. Wrong. He immediately flips and tells me that he cant do it as its way too inconvenient for him. I explain how miserable I am and that's all I want in the world and I'll pay him back tomorrow. "Throw me 10$ and I'll do it." I gave him an earful and hung up. One of my real good friends who lives 30 minutes away ended up driving all the way to my house to give me some alkaseltzer and play some Super Nintendo with me and I ended up feeling horrible for him doing it and tried to give him a 20 a few days later and he refused it
 
I enjoy helping folks that will help there self, But ...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................If they will not help there self when they can I don't enjoy it
 
you feel what you feel ink . i enjoy helping members here my brother left cliff left . i told my last so called friend to never call me agin , i have no one close enough to hang with that i call a friend yalls all i got .
 
If a man is alone in a forest talking, and there is no woman around to hear him...

Is he still wrong????
 
I'll suggest that your attitude change is caused by medication.
If I'm wrong... you're not taking any meds.
If I'm right its because I've recognized and learned to live with they changes my meds have made in me.
If all this is new to you.. You probably haven't experienced the worst scenario yet.
When you tell friends and family members "I cant" or "I don't want to", they can take it personally. It can be heartbreaking too.
Good luck
 
Dart_Doctor said:
you feel what you feel ink . i enjoy helping members here my brother left cliff left . i told my last so called friend to never call me agin , i have no one close enough to hang with that i call a friend yalls all i got .
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Thing is I see to it that I am alone. I do my best to push people away. Remove the wife from the picture and I truly am alone.....and ok with it. Walked away from my family in 02. Both folks passed away...did not attend either funeral. ANd do not feel the least bit "wrong" about it.... These people are Ernie's friends. When I go over there it is more or less because Ernie asked me to go.
The very reason I like the bike so much is it is one of the few times I am truly all alone.....
Hell, just look at the way I live......out of town a ways.....yard fully fenced in, locked gates with dogs roaming....I like being alone....

RedFish said:
I'll suggest that your attitude change is caused by medication.
If I'm wrong... you're not taking any meds.
If I'm right its because I've recognized and learned to live with they changes my meds have made in me.
If all this is new to you.. You probably haven't experienced the worst scenario yet.
When you tell friends and family members "I cant" or "I don't want to", they can take it personally. It can be heartbreaking too.
Good luck
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No new meds....not in the past year or so. I do want to help these folks....just on my schedule.

My wife will often volunteer me to help people. I asked her to stop doing this the other day. It did indeed bother me a bit....but far less that this obligated feeling I have.
 
be your own man, the choice is yours, help if you want to, when you want to. jmo
 
No, it's not at all wrong. It's just your personality. It's what makes you unique.
Personally, i understand what you are going through.
I have always been an independant person who doesn't need constant company, and can keep myself amused and busy for days and it doesn't bother me.
I help friends when i can, and they return the favor, but it's always worked around our own schedules unless it's something very important.
One of the words that a lot of people have difficulty with is the word ''no''.
Some have a hard time saying it, and some have a hard time hearing it.
 
Same way,Ink. Have people as for help,3 times in the last two weeks. Turned all three down. I try and keep a level playing field. Burned once O.k.,I let it slide. After two or three times,then it's done.Just not worth the frustrations anymore. Totally understand, your thoughts
 
Ink, I don't see how helping a friend get his 4 wheeler started is an "obligation". Helping him would be a favor, but, you're certainly not "obligated to him. If anything, if you do decide to go help him, any "obligation would be on his part, not yours.
Besides that, if you don't want to do it, don't, but at least let him know that you don't want to. Rather than sitting there waiting for you, he will probably seek help, elsewhere.
You're not "obligated to do that, either, but it would be a nice gesture on you part not to keep him hanging.

I've found that people ask favors of others because they lack the skill to do it themselves, need some help, or are just too lazy to do it themselves. I'm sure there are other reasons, but for the most part those three cover thing. You have no "obligation" to help anyone, but, if you consider this person a friend, you should, at least tell him that you just don't feel up to doing it, this time.

Just my 2¢, nothing judgemental.
 
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