Run Forest Run!!! Life to short to put up with bitching. When you say I love but................. then its time to run because it won't get better. I put up with first wife for 10 years thinking it would get better and it didn't. People don't change for the better. If you two can't over look minor problems the they will turn into major problems. My advice is run Forest run!!
Can I rant
- Thread starter dustya_383
- Start date
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"Women are like that ..."
Not all of us are like that, but MOST of us are. There are a few ladies who would rather hang out in the shop with their love building something and getting dirty but the vast majority would rather be at the mall dragging their man around to endless stores shoe shopping or some crap.
People can get along fine having separate interests but when one's lack of enthusiasm impacts the other's enjoyment of life so much -- or makes the other feel guilty for enjoying it -- then there's definitely a problem. And if you have problems like that now (as has been said more often than not in the responses above), it isn't going to get any better in the future and will most likely just get worse. Resentment builds up in both parties ... you're mad because she's not into the car and she's mad because you aren't into shoes ... and unless both parties are willing to concede a little and make a solid compromise, it's just going to escalate and get worse until someone blows up.
Personally, though we obviously don't know everything here, based on the initial rant I see a blow up in the future of this relationship. Whether it happens next week or in twenty years is up to you. Just don't waste your life waiting for her to change her mind because she probably won't. Will you???
Not all of us are like that, but MOST of us are. There are a few ladies who would rather hang out in the shop with their love building something and getting dirty but the vast majority would rather be at the mall dragging their man around to endless stores shoe shopping or some crap.
People can get along fine having separate interests but when one's lack of enthusiasm impacts the other's enjoyment of life so much -- or makes the other feel guilty for enjoying it -- then there's definitely a problem. And if you have problems like that now (as has been said more often than not in the responses above), it isn't going to get any better in the future and will most likely just get worse. Resentment builds up in both parties ... you're mad because she's not into the car and she's mad because you aren't into shoes ... and unless both parties are willing to concede a little and make a solid compromise, it's just going to escalate and get worse until someone blows up.
Personally, though we obviously don't know everything here, based on the initial rant I see a blow up in the future of this relationship. Whether it happens next week or in twenty years is up to you. Just don't waste your life waiting for her to change her mind because she probably won't. Will you???
waggin
moving on ain't easy if you drive a Ford :p
I edited the f bomb out...no harm no foul but please be a Lil more careful in the future....as far as sendin her to hang with her girlfriends...the only time you want to do that is when she thinks your a knight in shining armour...you get them together when your in the dawghouse and the trouble is gonna get worse and real quick....
Brother, ain't that the truth.
I don't mean to offend the younin's here, but at twenty nothing, everything seems epic. "This is the GREATEST band in the world", this is the GREATEST car in the world", "this is the GREATEST gal in the world," "This is the WORST time in my life". Whatever and so on. I'm getting that things aren't as bad as you are saying and maybe you just had a moment to let off some steam. Maybe?
Here's an Idea. If she is really complaining about you not spending time with her, tell her working on the car is your form of stress relief. The only other thing that will help with the stress would be if she followed you into the bedroom. The worst that could happen is in a few weeks you'll both be in great shape and she won't be on you about going to the gym.
LOL Kevin! Yeah, that's the best advice yet: slip her a big one and keep her mind where it should be.
Okay, I'm going to work now. :-D
Okay, I'm going to work now. :-D
Bulldozer
free ice cream sandwiches
i got involved with a woman like that. she loved my cars and what i was doing with them when we first got together. i even bought her a 69 super bee (of her own choice) so we could build our stuff together, she knew cars are my passion going into it. it gradually went down hill. she lost interest and got very jealous of the time i spent on my 70 bee. it got to the point i wasnt "allowed" to do anything without hearing a bunch of bitching. eventually everything ended up getting sold because i tried to put her first and show her how much i "loved" her. biggest mistake of my life. i let her change who i really am. by the time i came to this realization, i didnt even have spare tire to my name. i kicked that chick to the curb and to this day, i havent been able to make up for everything ive lost, but im getting there. dont let her change who you are and what you love to do. you will regret it down the road. once they start bitching. it usually doesnt go away until there is a real heart to heart.
AdamR
Big Member
Dartnut
Don't hate me because i'm beautiful
''She'll do anything for me''
I call BS on that or this rant wouldn't be here.
She sounds like a control freak to me, my first wife was one too.
I got out of cars for 8 years and sold some stuff off to make her ''happy''. It didn't work, as a matter of fact, it just added to the resentment towards each other. We split up a long time ago, and i couldn't be happier. I didn't realize it at the time but i do now.
I got back into cars again and now i'm much happier with a new spouse that understands my needs and i understand hers.
You will not change, and she will not change.
So you need to ask yourself, am i willing to put up with this any longer, or should i cut my losses and move on?
It's hard to have a solid relationship if both of you are unhappy.
You are both young, and it would be easy to move on.
Maybe both of you are too young and immature to realize this......
Don't lose yourself and your dreams over a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Do the math and be brutally honest with yourselves.
I call BS on that or this rant wouldn't be here.
She sounds like a control freak to me, my first wife was one too.
I got out of cars for 8 years and sold some stuff off to make her ''happy''. It didn't work, as a matter of fact, it just added to the resentment towards each other. We split up a long time ago, and i couldn't be happier. I didn't realize it at the time but i do now.
I got back into cars again and now i'm much happier with a new spouse that understands my needs and i understand hers.
You will not change, and she will not change.
So you need to ask yourself, am i willing to put up with this any longer, or should i cut my losses and move on?
It's hard to have a solid relationship if both of you are unhappy.
You are both young, and it would be easy to move on.
Maybe both of you are too young and immature to realize this......
Don't lose yourself and your dreams over a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Do the math and be brutally honest with yourselves.
va58
Restoration Jedi
I would like to add some advice but with two ex-wife's and numerous former girlfriends over many years I obviously don't have the answer to this problem...
AdamR
Big Member
I dont think any guy really has the answer.
OneOfMany
Well-Known Member
After dealing with the same things for years with my ex, I fortunately came to the correct solution.
When I was dating my wife, and things seemed to be going well, I told her I wanted some time, not for me as much, but for her.. to really think of who I was, and what I wanted in MY life. I told her up front that my yard of cars is MY passion, I enjoy them even when they piss me off. I told her I would always be there for her, but I need MY time to do MY things, and if, and only if, she could accept that from me, then I was the right guy for her. Well, married 12 years this fall.
At your age, you both haven't truly found your own identities, and it seems most girls don't tend to mature until their early thirties.
Whatever you do, just don't live your life miserable. It ain't worth it.
Grant
When I was dating my wife, and things seemed to be going well, I told her I wanted some time, not for me as much, but for her.. to really think of who I was, and what I wanted in MY life. I told her up front that my yard of cars is MY passion, I enjoy them even when they piss me off. I told her I would always be there for her, but I need MY time to do MY things, and if, and only if, she could accept that from me, then I was the right guy for her. Well, married 12 years this fall.
At your age, you both haven't truly found your own identities, and it seems most girls don't tend to mature until their early thirties.
Whatever you do, just don't live your life miserable. It ain't worth it.
Grant
inkjunkie
Well-Known Member
did not read the whole thread, sorry. probably just more of the same slams on the other half. be lost without Ernestina. When I am outside doing anything she is either out there with me or staying out of the way, depends on what I am doing. i always get a laugh out of guys that are getting smothered. Ernie and I have an understanding that we are not going to do everything together. Spouses/significant others do not need to do everything together. in the 8 years we lived near her very large family i never attended a single family gathering, never heard a peep about it. at the same time when she wants to fly to AZ to see everyone she does not ask, she buys the ticket and tells me i need to take her to the airport. the woman can read my emotions like a book, could be why we have only had 1 fight in close 13 years. to the op, do not know your/her age but i can say from experience the modern day woman crap that was preached to me is very real. woman of a certain age group want it all, they want the security of a good guy in there life yet they want there own freedom. it is also the age when a lot of folks are a bit confused about things. they want you to have your freedom, but yet they still want you at there beckon call. some do not seem to understand for every action there is a reaction, that there is a little thing called responsibility for ones actions. to the folks that woman bash, would really like to hear the other side about your relationship with the female you are slamming. seriously doubt you were a saint. it takes 2 to make things work, and very seldom, in my experiences is a disaster relationship the fault of only 1 party. and if you have disastrous relationship after disastrous relationship maybe you are the common denominator. keep in mind that many people are constantly evolving, and just because something is/is not a problem today does mean that this will be the case tomorrow. to the op, and please do not take this as an insult because that is not how it is meant, but i have to ask do you love her for who she is or do you love her for what she represents?
cudaspaz
Well-Known Member
Without reading all the other comments I thought of this:
I know when I was that age I could not afford jack scrap as far as money to restore a muscle car.
I got married at 19 to a very financially savvy girl.
I respected her opinion although I really wanted to build this car but as life goes I quickly realized that once I had the money saved for a certain car part, something in the house would break or I needed the money for other bills.
After several dozen of these episodes I realized that I need to give up on the hobbies and concentrate on the home, bills and family so I sold my project car.
I came to the conclusion that I would have to save up my money, become more financially stable and give it another shot when I'm older.
For years I drooled over other peoples mopars then finally picked up my barracuda from a coworker about 12 years ago.
It still took me 10 years to restore the car as time/ money allowed amd did it such a way that did not take away from the family, meaning that the car was last on the list and it still is to this day.
I would sell it in heartbeat and not bat an eye if it meant keeping my family first.
One thing about Women is that they will ***** and moan for a day or so and then get over it especially if you ignore your project car for a week or so.
Then one day she will say " Hey honey, why don't you go work on your car or something."..... Never fails.
I think it's just because they get to feeling a little insecure and unappreciated at times......don't take it too personally.
I have been married for 22 years and still can say I have not figured out Women and can never predict when their attitude is going to go from all out psychotic to gentle, little, content kitten.
I say give the car a break for a bit and see if she don't encourage you to work on it in a couple weeks.
Now if your finances are super tight I can understand her concerns and so should you.
I know when I was that age I could not afford jack scrap as far as money to restore a muscle car.
I got married at 19 to a very financially savvy girl.
I respected her opinion although I really wanted to build this car but as life goes I quickly realized that once I had the money saved for a certain car part, something in the house would break or I needed the money for other bills.
After several dozen of these episodes I realized that I need to give up on the hobbies and concentrate on the home, bills and family so I sold my project car.
I came to the conclusion that I would have to save up my money, become more financially stable and give it another shot when I'm older.
For years I drooled over other peoples mopars then finally picked up my barracuda from a coworker about 12 years ago.
It still took me 10 years to restore the car as time/ money allowed amd did it such a way that did not take away from the family, meaning that the car was last on the list and it still is to this day.
I would sell it in heartbeat and not bat an eye if it meant keeping my family first.
One thing about Women is that they will ***** and moan for a day or so and then get over it especially if you ignore your project car for a week or so.
Then one day she will say " Hey honey, why don't you go work on your car or something."..... Never fails.
I think it's just because they get to feeling a little insecure and unappreciated at times......don't take it too personally.
I have been married for 22 years and still can say I have not figured out Women and can never predict when their attitude is going to go from all out psychotic to gentle, little, content kitten.
I say give the car a break for a bit and see if she don't encourage you to work on it in a couple weeks.
Now if your finances are super tight I can understand her concerns and so should you.
dustya_383
Well-Known Member
Thanks for all the advice guy... And gal I really appreCiate it looks like me an her are gonna have a talk tonight if it turns into an argument then hell I may just be done with it let's see how it goes And sorry for the f bomb I'll keep it edited ( thanks for editing waggin)
inkjunkie
Well-Known Member
Biggest load of bull sh*t you will ever hear. You get the fire knocked from your ***, and I mean seriously knocked from your *** and hit rock bottom you can change....if you want to. if this were not the case i would really like to hear how i went from the one that started damn near every fight in his first marriage to only starting one in close to 13 years. People can change, if they have a reason to..........and the desire........ can instill a change....
cudaspaz
Well-Known Member
Holy crap man.
Bulldozer
free ice cream sandwiches
thats heavy
SRT_DSTRHOLC
Well-Known Member
agreed. me and my ex although I loved being with her and didnt want to be with anyone else, when we were together for the first year use to fight so much, but had so much fun. I knew that if it was like this now, how would it be in the future.
SRT_DSTRHOLC
Well-Known Member
Wait till after your bday smartass
SRT_DSTRHOLC
Well-Known Member
People change. I did. When I was with the last girl I was clingy, jealous, so on. I was really immature, until we broke up and I got a reality check real quick. Don't jump into "love" right away because it is true that the one that cares less has the power. You need someone who is going to support you for what you like to do, not front about it and try to change you. Thats why from 2007-2010 before I moved I was mostly single. It was all baseball and working on the car. A gf is good to have if she isnt looking to get serious right away.
65_valiant
Well-Known Member
I hear what you're sayin. I get the attitude when I do anything for myself or by myself. I don't spend enough time with her, or her son, in the week that I work 56 hours, do my school work to earn a degree to put me in a better job market to maintain pay and quality of life and then I have the outside house work to do. Lay it out for her man, tell her you don't appreciate being made to feel guilty for enjoying your hobby. Just the same as you don't, i assume, make her feel bad for enjoying her hobby, again assuming she has one. Shoot, maybe that's the problem, does she have a hobby of her own? or is she a vegtable in front of the tv watching teen mom reality crap?
Whatever you do, keep it civil, dont rush in poking the bear, 'cause you will get mauled.
Whatever you do, keep it civil, dont rush in poking the bear, 'cause you will get mauled.
moparderek
Well-Known Member
If you love working on cars....be who you are. Lifeis short enjoy the ride....and when you least expect it you might be lucky to find the right person for you......or she might find you doing what you love to do work on old cars. I am one of the lucky ones..... I called about a dodge truck for sale.....only looking for a truck @24 years old. I call nd this lady said I hear you have a plum crazy Barracuda .....I say ya...she said I hear you have a purple can in there.......I said ya.....she than asked what gears I had in the 8 3/4 ......I said REALLY??? I had her phone # so I asked her out on a date (1/4 mile race track. First date) we together have had 51 cars and trucks two 2 beautiful girls that have been to all the Mopar shows over the east coast ......my 10 and 13 year old girls are fighting over who will have the fatest. Tires in the family. I have 4 a body's....and a Roadrunner ....none of them are show winners....just toys...but I am a happy husband, dad, and MOPAR NUT.
LOOK I ONLY CALLED ABOUT A TRUCK AND TRAILER FORSALE.
LOOK HOW GOOD IT WORKED OUT FOR ME...I GOT THE TRUCK AND TRAILER FOR FREE..JUST.... KIDDing.... just be yourself
LOOK I ONLY CALLED ABOUT A TRUCK AND TRAILER FORSALE.
LOOK HOW GOOD IT WORKED OUT FOR ME...I GOT THE TRUCK AND TRAILER FOR FREE..JUST.... KIDDing.... just be yourself
goldfish65
Well-Known Member
Words to live by: "The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves." Think about it.
jtolbert
Well-Known Member
I've dated a few girls that sound like your girlfriend...They want your time spent with them and not on your own. I had to let them go pretty quick.
You have to make yourself happy. If you enjoy working on cars, then that shouldn't change...Go do it. She has to enjoy her hobbies, too...If you both aren't doing that, then there's going to be friction, generally from resentment.
I gave up trying to keep a girlfriend happy by doing everything she wants. Now I go and do my own thing...If a girl wants to come along and be part of that, great. I'll go along and be part of her stuff, too...But if not, that's cool too - we both have our own things to do. As long as we're both cool with that and enjoy talking to each other about what we're doing, there's no problems. I'm fortunate that I've been living with a girl that works this way...Took a long time to find one.
Frankly, I'd probably say, "look, this is what I like to do...If you don't like it, either keep it to yourself or leave. I don't complain about the things you like to do, so try to extend the same courtesy to me."
You have to make yourself happy. If you enjoy working on cars, then that shouldn't change...Go do it. She has to enjoy her hobbies, too...If you both aren't doing that, then there's going to be friction, generally from resentment.
I gave up trying to keep a girlfriend happy by doing everything she wants. Now I go and do my own thing...If a girl wants to come along and be part of that, great. I'll go along and be part of her stuff, too...But if not, that's cool too - we both have our own things to do. As long as we're both cool with that and enjoy talking to each other about what we're doing, there's no problems. I'm fortunate that I've been living with a girl that works this way...Took a long time to find one.
Frankly, I'd probably say, "look, this is what I like to do...If you don't like it, either keep it to yourself or leave. I don't complain about the things you like to do, so try to extend the same courtesy to me."
73dodgearcher
Active Member
I went through the same thing with my wife. I am very passionate about competing in 3d archery. But I got tired of her relentless bitching so I cut back on my practicing a lot "I pretty much don't shoot any more". So then because I am the type of guy that has to have a hobby I played in a pool league untill she bitched about that so much.
So I noticed my cousins marriage is strong and that man can do anything he flippen wants. So a asked how did he get his wife to stop bitching. His answer was "this is my life and I couldn't live like that so I had to stop caring about her bitching and do what I want to, and she will have to learn to live with it or leave either way I will not live like that"
So I took his advise and I spent the money I wanted to on my car and all the time I wanted to on my car. I pretty much put my car together in 9 months.
I did have to tell her the exact sentence my cousin told me. Once she realized she had no control of me, man I tell you I can do what ever I want. It's awsome and my marriage has never been better. Good luck
Oh ya this year I will practice more than I ever have for my archery competitions
So I noticed my cousins marriage is strong and that man can do anything he flippen wants. So a asked how did he get his wife to stop bitching. His answer was "this is my life and I couldn't live like that so I had to stop caring about her bitching and do what I want to, and she will have to learn to live with it or leave either way I will not live like that"
So I took his advise and I spent the money I wanted to on my car and all the time I wanted to on my car. I pretty much put my car together in 9 months.
I did have to tell her the exact sentence my cousin told me. Once she realized she had no control of me, man I tell you I can do what ever I want. It's awsome and my marriage has never been better. Good luck
Oh ya this year I will practice more than I ever have for my archery competitions
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